


Amen

by hollowlland, MadaraUgod



Category: Naruto
Genre: AU, Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Humor, Christian Character, Christianity, Explicit Language, Family Drama, Incest, M/M, No Uchiha Massacre
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:48:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 33,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26889904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollowlland/pseuds/hollowlland, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadaraUgod/pseuds/MadaraUgod
Summary: The Uchiha family is a role model for any Catholics. Mikoto and Fugaku were near the church all their lives, they've never left the parish. Their home is imbued with an atmosphere of purity and righteousness. Their sons are worthy people, the eldest of whom has finished the theology faculty and became a priest, and the youngest... and the youngest just knows how to lie. He had a good teacher.
Relationships: Uchiha Itachi/Uchiha Sasuke
Comments: 7
Kudos: 25





	1. A model of a perfect life

**Author's Note:**

  * For [iRA_SV_GLBR](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=iRA_SV_GLBR).
  * A translation of [Аминь](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/697765) by iRA_SV_GLBR. 



For the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea

that is driven and tossed about by the wind.

THE EPISTLE OF JAMES (I, 6)

Sasuke entered his apartment, dropped his keys on a small nightstand and slowly slid down the wall clutching his phone in his hands. It has been a long time since he felt so empty and broken.

What to say about a life that doesn't belong to you? What to say about an existence that you cannot control? Manipulations, persuasion, threats...

That’s naive but once he used to believe that this is all because of age. He will get older and acquire his right to freedom. He will be able to do what he wants, what he likes. Naive... so sick of it.

Nothing happened. Everything is as usual. His life is looped better than the clock system. Two part-time jobs, university, graduate work, parents.

He will soon be twenty-two yet he feels like he’s still bloody fifteen. He can afford a bottle of wine at dinner because he is already a big boy. But he has no one to spend this dinner with. And then whiskey is better. Not much - he has a shift tomorrow in the morning and having a headache is already something he can’t afford.

Day by day everything is exactly the same. He cannot have fun, cannot travel somewhere far away, and cannot simply find time for a pleasant evening with friends, those few who have not yet turned away from him due to eternal employment. He cannot spend time meeting anyone who would be in his taste to drink this damn wine at last.

And the worst part is that it was always his decision.

Sasuke sighed heavily, unlocked his phone and reread the message from his mother again.

“This’s not a usual mass, Sasuke. I know that you are very busy but you should definitely visit it with us"

Damn catholics, burn yourself in your own hell.

In reality, Sasuke was terribly annoyed by the fact that as soon as Itachi was in there, the youngest of the sons was losing the opportunity to justify his absence. Reasons, excuses – anything immediately turned into dust for his parents. They are family - they should be together.

"Itachi will be there, won’t he?"

Sasuke, without using his hands, pulled the sneakers off his feet, still not getting up from the floor. He was devilishly tired for the day: there was no break, the boss was angry, he has three debts from the last year, he strained his hand badly… and now this.

The phone vibrated softly.

“He's not feeling very well but promised to do everything to come. This is the birthday of the church and you remember that. My Confessor said that he really wants to talk with all of us. Please, Sasuke"

The Uchiha got up from the floor pulling down his jacket at the same time. He hung it up sloppily; Naruto will be angry again but this is not very important.

The room looked unfriendly. Sasuke rented this apartment with a friend two weeks ago. Small kitchen, separate bathroom, small storage room and one room where they both live.

Sasuke fell onto the bed, which was being made in a very big hurry. First half of the room was fully furnished: there were three bright pillows on the bed, posters flashed on the walls - the largest of which was occupied by a half-naked Hollywood beauty. The second half of the room that Sasuke occupied was completely empty, only bed linen on it’s place and nothing else. In the corner, there were boxes that should have been dismantled a long time ago, but he never got around to it.

"I am working. I need to collect my advance and pay for the apartment asap. Forgive me mom but I will not come."

Sasuke changed his cloth and got under the covers. Fuck shower, food, and everything else.

The phone vibrated again. He knew what was there, but the last thing he wanted to do was checking the inbox. However, he was wrong. It wasn’t a usual message and it wasn’t from his mother.

Sasuke dialed a familiar number.

A couple of short beeps and the phone on the other side was answered. The music was rustling, someone was laughing; it seems like it was a whole party in there.

“ _If the mother finds out...”_ Sasuke started as he did dozen times before.

_“Well, make it so that she doesn't know.”_

Sasuke sat up in bed, rubbing his own face. He’s fed up with it all.

_“You are very generous but there is no need. I told you I can handle it on my own. What you…”_

_“So you still have the strength to keep this little lovely brand of a successful young man? Then you can send this money to our parents but quietly and peacefully. Seriously, Sasuke. Quit it. Finish your studies. We'll pay off one day. By the way, it may be difficult for me to get up in the morning. Could you just come for me in gratitude? I will leave the car near the "Preik"; the guard has the keys. And yes, I know how annoying it is so consider this as a payment for your services tomorrow. Ok?”_

_“I hate you.”_

_“And I love you, sun.”_

He disconnected first and Sasuke was still staring at one point on the wall, not daring to remove the phone from his ear.

Itachi had just transferred to his account an amount of money that Sasuke would not have earned in a month, even if he worked full-time.

There was another vibratio, Sasuke flinched and lifted the phone away from his ear.

“I still have savings. I'll pay the rent, just come please. I'm waiting for you"

He has no choice, apparently. Sasuke had to write to a colleague that he wouldn’t pick up a shift tomorrow and had to lie to his mother again that he could deal with an advance so that she wouldn’t spend personal hard-earned money on no-good son of her.

He is actually the biggest loser in this holy family. Each of them lived by stepping into their own river. They have found their place in this mortal life.

Sasuke alone has got lost, unable to keep his luck by the hand.

Mikoto was raised at the temple, from the very childhood she was the most obedient Christian in the world. If not for her marriage, she wouldn’t have left that place. The father never told his sons about what he did as a young man but Sasuke always suspected that he didn’t start well. But now he was a worthy role model. He paid less attention to services than his wife but laid out half of his salary on donations.

It happened that there was nothing to eat at home. When their father paid for his eldest son's studies, paid credit for housing... and still he gave half of money to the air.

Sasuke was angry at this, yet his mother scolded him every time he dared to ask why. This is none of his business; he is still small and stupid. It has always been that way. How foolish of him was to declare that he was an atheist. He was fifteen, he said he’ll newer be a believer. He still remembered what Mikoto's tired face looked like. She slowly sank down on the bed and was silent for several minutes, gazing intently into the eyes of her son, who was getting worse and worse with every passing second. Then she stretched out her arms to him and hugged him tightly. He felt her hot tears on his shoulder, heard her whispering that they would handle it. But it turns out that they decided to cope not with the news, but with the rejection of their son. He was deprived of all pocket money, placed under house arrest, and forced to help the church every weekend and sometimes - on weekdays too.

A few months later Sasuke talked to the local priest, told him about some kind of pain and guilt that was devouring him; the priest allowed him to confess and then talked about it with Mikoto. She decided that his little attempt to get rid of God in his life could be forgot for now and returned Sasuke the opportunity to live freely. She forgave him and now he had to run to the temple with a happy face only once a week... and on church holidays too.

Words cannot express how he hated this whole system. He cursed all the people around him, mentally mocked his mother and father, and imagined how he humiliated all the priests while his lips muttered prayers learned by heart.

Seven years have passed. Nothing has changed. Mother often cried; she had a weak heart. She said more than once that she would not survive if Sasuke disappeared from her life. They all lived in the same city and saw each other during those damned days. Now it was Sasuke's turn to help the family with money sometimes. In principle, they did not take a penny from the eldest of the sons. He, however, sometimes passed them on through his younger brother but Sasuke did not approve of this strategy.

Because it meant that Itachi thought that Sasuke was doing nonsense. To take him seriously? What for?

A little stupid brother can only have fun and scratch aniki’s back. Why would he work? Oh, come on, that's enough. Quit it all, have fun, I'll pay for everything...

He will pay, yeah. 

All this time, Sasuke strove for freedom and independence. It was hard, painful, and he never slept enough – all to have what he has now. But he was still treated like a child who sits in a sandpit and builds sand cakes claiming that they could be sold. No matter how much Sasuke did, no matter how much he struggled, still he was a child without a right to perspective.

At least, in the eyes of his family. Who cares how much money he can give for bread if Itachi gives them more? He gives them what they yearn for all their life... faith, da… bless it.

Sasuke leaned back on the bed; the alarm was set for seven in the morning. By ten am, he will have to do everything to take his brother to his stage, where he will again perform miracles, kindling the hearts of the blessed fools.

White ceiling. He's so tired, why can't he sleep? Why is he staring at this ceiling and going through the pieces of his life in pathetic attempts to find a starting point, the one when everything has become so rotten.

Maybe he should really leave it all behind? Follow his brothers lead, fulfill his little whims, just study and rest all night long. Itachi would approve of that. He always says that his chances of becoming successful are waiting ahead, while it is too early to tire himself out to death. What's the point of this?

What is the point of seeking recognition where it will never appear? Sasuke could be proud of himself... But he never made anyone else proud. His parents would surely have appreciated and thanked him more if he was the only child in the family or... or if he had been at least a little as intellectually gifted as...

Itachi was special. Always. But his peculiarity was expressed differently from that of other people. As a child, he slept a lot, did not like to talk to someone, and studied almost poorly, with his marks turning from C to D and back. Unlike Sasuke, he couldn’t reach free education - his father paid for his studies.

Sasuke was a sports boy, he won so many competitions, graduated with honors, entered a higher educational institution on a budget. He closes everything brilliantly and even combines it with two works... But has he ever seen such admiration in the eyes of his parents?

Sick creatures.

Itachi hasn't changed. He still slept a lot, still was reluctant to talk to people, he was more often silent and listened extremely attentively. Sasuke remembered well how as a child Itachi had a habit of speaking only when his parents were not in the room. Father and mother did not talk with their son; he preferred to respond in kind. He spoke to Sasuke. It was more like a lecture than a conversation. And everything Itachi said did not even remotely resemble what his parents put into his head. He laughed at their quotes, asked questions in the air – for they were impossible to answer; he found logical inconsistencies in the most obvious things. If he had told his father about it, he would have been immediately punished. Luckily there was Sasuke for all those speeches.

 _“I admire the person who wrote this so much. Rather, those who started it all,”_ Itachi gently stroked the cover of the Bible with his fingers _“I thought it was like a conspiracy, to create a flawlessly working mechanism for influencing human brains, but now I'm pretty sure it was an accident. Nobody thought it would be like this. These are the simplest tales. Yes, I'm talking about the genre. A fairy tale. Every story has a moral in it. And it makes sense to read them to the child before bedtime, so that they listen and draw childish conclusions. But they are not read to children, they are read to accomplished personalities, whose pride and egocentrism have grown to the maximum. And these people create something of boundless strength, power, and might. Something that is the kindest and the most powerful creature born out of love and the infinite energy of all that exists. Then say that they themselves are the same, because God created them "in his own image and likeness". They collect all the possibilities of the Creator around their petty desires and complaints, confident that he serves them, examining the lives of one of the billions of species for eternity in order to decide whether to burn them in hell or to let know the bliss... How I love these people. They are so stupid, pitiful, ignorant, and how do they admire themselves talking about love of God. Do you understand this? At least you?”_

And Sasuke, sitting next to him, absorbed it all like a sponge realizing over and over again that he can get all the arguments and truth only near this person. Nothing their parents said had any solid basis. They were only saying something from a book that billions of people have studied up and down. They only believed in something they didn't know for sure. But that's okay... Sasuke also didn't know some things for certain - he believed the textbooks it a way.

However, when he was about to learn something equally important or when found some theories… he did some empirical research. He did some studies, made conclusions, and only being convinced, finally believed. The concept of infinity of space, sleep paralysis, the expansion of the sun under the influence of the consumption of hydrogen fuel - everything that he knew about things of interest to him, he read from books and believed it. But it's different, isn’t it?

 _“Faith is like love. It is love, in fact. You won't be able to see it, you won't be able to touch it, but you know that it lives in your heart”_ Mom's hand softly touched Sasuke's chest, _“I know that I love you. And I know that God is.”_

In such moments, Itachi didn’t show that he was listening at all, but Sasuke could see that he was watching closely. He was carefully watching the reaction of his younger brother, and then said something with just a glance. And that look Sasuke knew very well.

"Do you understand that this is nonsense?" it was saying.

Sasuke really wanted to believe his mother, but he broke under the yoke of those dark eyes and indifferently agreed with her because he had to and not because he believed her.

For many years, Sasuke did not understand why Itachi never said anything to his parents, why he let them waste all his time for all those despised activities. Oh, Itachi never doubt any religion stuff aloud, never rejected it, but his contempt was visible both when he was fifteen and now.

He was careful, gentle, and terribly attentive. He did whatever was told to him, and once he did something that just broke Sasuke's whole idea of aniki.

He was seventeen back then, he had just finished his studies, their father was thinking about finding him university where he could enter with poor grades.

“I'm going to seminary,” he said one evening at dinner “My points are enough. And the payment there is not as high as in the Faculty of Law. You have no good reason to refuse me. Honestly, I've been thinking about this for a long time. Since the first time I was praised by your Confessor, dad. The one that was in the church we went to three years ago. I talked to him, and he said that my "worldly" knowledge is not important if I follow the path of the "seers". You know that if this path is mine than God will help me.”

Nobody said a word. Mother was very proud. Father was excited, but still pleased.

That evening, Sasuke followed Itachi to the park, where he was supposed to meet friends. The older brother was sitting on the swing, smoking a cigarette and waiting for the questions to answer while the younger was choosing the words.

_“Have you talked to your father's Confessor?”_

_“No.”_

Silence fell again. Sasuke sank into the swing beside him, slowly pushing off the ground with his feet. He understood what it all meant. Itachi, most likely, will rarely appear at home; he’ll live at the seminary, they will see each other few days and even these will be saturated with false prayers.

_“How long ago did you decide?..”_

_“A few days ago”_

_“But what about pure thoughts? You don't belong there.”_

_“No one belongs there. Sasuke, we rarely do anything we like in this life. This is not... the easiest way but it can be walked with dignity, and there you can achieve unprecedented heights. Do you think all people do it just because they want to give themselves to God? If it were so, it would be cleaner... But it wouldn't.”_

_“I don't care.”_

Itachi chuckled, turning his whole body to his brother, swinging his leg over the rope that held the board.

_“Just tell that you’ll miss me.”_

They were never the kind of brothers you see in normal families. They didn’t play together in the yard, Itachi didn’t help his little brother with homework, didn’t look after him as a child. They lived in the same house, but in two different worlds. However, when Sasuke began to think, learned to write and count, when he crossed the border, embarking on the path of reason, Itachi showed an interest in his brother. An interest that still frightens the younger Uchiha up today.

He loved to talk to him. Just talk. He seemed to know the impact he was having. They locked themselves in the older brother's room in the evenings and talked until morning. Itachi spoke mostly. He drew something, made diagrams, found some sources; he taught Sasuke what no one can teach. He taught him to think.

_“Friendship is a habit. Not necessarily harmful, but not necessarily useful. If it’s difficult to get rid of it, it does not mean that it is really necessary. We tend to attach ourselves to people; we look for recognition in them, an answer to our actions. But getting rid of a friend is no more difficult than quitting drinking coffee in the morning.”_

_“Sometimes it doesn't make sense.”_

_“And sometimes people only think that there is no point. What's the point of friendship? What is the point of being around? Sasuke, natural consumerism can be controlled.”_

_“I understand, but why? What will I get from being alone?”_

_“That's not the question. The question is, how much will you lose? Addiction tends to control you. Like people who cannot fall asleep without committing to traditional destruction of a cigarette. We are weak before our attachments.”_

_“You mean priorities.”_

_“Exactly.”_

_“So, I have the right to friendship only when I understand that it gives me more than it takes?”_

_“Remember this thought. It is universal for life, not just for such thing as a friendship.”_

In a heap of reasoning, contradictions and paradoxes, truth was born. Itachi never gave Sasuke information that could be simply swallowed, it was necessary to chew it up to find something that could be put into his own head. Itachi might not have been talking about what Sasuke understood in the end, but he appreciated the fact that his younger brother was drawing his own conclusions.

And if Sasuke would have come to the conclusion that God exists and is always there, Itachi would not argue. But Sasuke didn't come.

He clearly remembered when the wall of his confusion had broken. Hanging for a long time between the influence of his mother and his brother, he tormented himself with doubts about what would be right for him.

One evening, when the whole family was watching some old movie, everyone heard a joke about a man's love for a man. Sasuke was the only one who chuckled and immediately caught all the eyes in the room.

" _This is not funny, Sasuke,_ " his father said dryly.

 _“It's just a movie,”_ the son turned around. The frustrated eyes of his mother and cruel eyes of his father looked at him. What's wrong? Why can't you laugh at this? Religious stuff again? The Bible does not say that laughing at sodomy is also a sin. What have these people come up with again?

_“Sasuke, the films reflect reality. You see what could very well be happening in our life. And this is no laughing matter. These people are stupid, they are lost, and if they do not find a way out, they’ll go to hell for their deeds. Does this seem funny to you?”_

Sasuke shook his head slowly and then turned his gaze to his brother. He... was smiling? That smile was subtle but he clearly saw arrogance and derision in it. He disagrees. Yes, he will remain silent as usual; he hasn’t aroused suspicion during all his life. Their mother is sure that there is no one cleaner and kinder than her son.

But if she saw that smile now, she would have lost faith in him forever. Because Sasuke saw it. That evening, he expected to hear a lot from his brother, but Itachi wasn’t in the mood to speak.

 _"I don't understand,"_ Sasuke shrugged sitting on a windowsill in Itachi’s room.

 _"You understand everything,"_ Itachi objected, _“You simply don’t have access to what he sees. Why do you want it? Why do you want to understand his reasons? He also does not understand you, but he does not seek to understand. Do the same.”_

_“But after all... Why do they themselves come up with prohibitions and damn laws that they obey? There has never been such a rule - and now it appeared.”_

_“Frames. It's safer in them. Easier. You know exactly what is good and what is bad. Some sort of lack of thinking and self-development. You have one road and you won't get lost on it if you don't look for a shortcut. Faith is harmless in itself. People are dangerous. Do you understand?”_

And Sasuke nodded _._

 _“I understand. But this is ridiculous. I define what is good and evil; I build a road, but I don't know where it leads me.”_ There was perhaps too much poison in this grin.

_“They know, Sasuke. The road leads to the Heaven.”_

_“They can't know. Nobody can. There is no guide, there are only these damn tales and teachings, which are all of the same type and totally meaningless. If I believe, I will arrive at the destination. Believe in what? In God? In this damn road? In what you read or what you came up with? Speculation, different interpretations, millions of variants of one simple book, where nothing is said at all.”_

Itachi was smiling again. He clearly liked to hear it; at such moments, it seemed to Sasuke that he was closer than ever to the truth. Yes, Itachi doesn’t known it either yet who understands more than he does?

_“I will never know the truth. I do not feel anything. I do not see anything. Can they really do everything that I can't?”_

Itachi tilted his head, shortly losing eye contact. He went into his thoughts, maybe in order to give an answer, or maybe because it pushed him to other thoughts. Then he got out of bed and went to the windowsill. Sasuke moved, but Itachi didn't take a seat next to him.

_“So why do you still believe?”_

His voice came in a low whisper that seemed to belong to another person. Quiet, insinuating, with some special meaning. Itachi was much closer than he usually allowed himself, and now, in the limelight coming from the outside the window, his eyes seemed crystal. There was something special about them, something that could not be seen in daylight.

_“Because… no. I do not believe. Not in all of this.”_

_"Sasuke,"_ the older brother's fingers touched his pale face “ _Why do you still believe?”_

He suddenly wanted to hide his eyes and this desire was strong. It felt like he was shamed. Not enough faith and not enough unbelief at the same time. He is where he doesn’t have the right to stand. He needs to choose right now. With him or with them.

_“Anything is possible. I will never know.”_

_“You will. Once. You don't have the courage to admit what you want, to say what you think. Even to me, although you know that I will always understand you. Let's burn in hell together? Take whatever you want, do not be afraid that you have to answer later. Sin if your soul asks for it. But be yourself... After all, even if God created you, he created you this way and gave you this desire. Nobody cares about your struggle. So don't fight, Sasuke. Do it now.”_

Sasuke felt tension in his body. He was afraid. He was afraid of his brother at that very second, as if he could push him out the window breaking the glass with his body.

_“What to do? Refuse?”_

_“Sin, Sasuke.”_

This was the first time he saw this smile. There was something crazy about it. Itachi himself was on the verge of terrible deeds, for which he could be swallowed whole and not only by the flame of purification, but also by a simple conscience. Sasuke realized this only when he felt the touch of Itachi’s lips to his.

He was sixteen then. It was not his first kiss, but it was so specific that even six years later, Sasuke was quite ready to admit that it was the only one. Not once since then had he felt how blood burns inside. Never again had he felt so much meaning in one touch.

Since then, in fact, no doubt has awakened in him for a second. He did not like talking about religion; he lied in the eyes of his mother and did not feel guilty. He didn't care about all this nonsense. He has his life and he knew that it is short.

The ceiling began to annoy him. He's so tired... fucked up completely. He is tired of remembering his childhood, he is tired of fighting for the right to be himself, and he is tired of living. He's only twenty-two.

\end of ch1\


	2. An indulgence for two

The wise shall inherit glory: but shame shall be the promotion of fools.

BOOK OF PROVERBS (III, 35)

The morning was surprisingly light. Easy to survive. Sasuke woke up and didn't even feel like resetting the alarm for a few more minutes. It was already sunny outside the window.

Naruto slept on the next bed, traditionally in his underpants, this time there were prints with a red stars. He looked so funny with all those bright pillows under him. Saliva ran down his chin. Sasuke sat up in bed and fumbled a water bottle on the bedside table. A couple of sips is enough for breakfast.

Quick shower - there is no time to put his thoughts in order; he will look like a hedgehog again and will have to tolerate “funny” comments on this matter.

The car parked outside a nightclub was too conspicuous. Yeah, right, why be inconspicuous, if you can show off... and this person's parents refuse to take money, because you see, they want every free penny to be spend on needs of his work.

Awesome cretinism.

As soon as he introduced himself, the guard handed the keys to Sasuke without any questions.

This was the easiest part of the task despite the fact that this club was located on the other side of the city and it was not even eight in the morning. As usual, there was another copy of home keys in the car glove box.

On the way, Sasuke had to stop by the pharmacy in order to buy the most common means for resurrection: mineral water and a pack of aspirin.

The keys were not needed, the apartment was open. Come on in and take whatever you want. Expensive plasma, a carpet that was taken from some non-local auction or at least this wonderful marble creature, once bought as a decoration for the church but Itachi decided to keep it for himself. On the wing of the angelic child hung someone's leather jacket and a bra trimmed with strasses and bright beads. On the floor were lying a couple of banknotes and an overturned bottle of alcohol. The stale smell of fume, cigarette smoke and human sweat were consuming the apartment.

Welcome to the house of one of the most honest, fair and kind people waking on earth.

Sasuke immediately started to open windows. Why did they close them at all? It's warm outside, why don’t they stop destroy the apartment with the smell. The bedroom was empty and it was the only room remained untouched by the chaos.

The worst thing was to look into the living room, but it had to be done. However, Sasuke saw nothing new there. There were several sleeping bodies on the unfolded sofa and armchairs, even someone on the floor. A piled-up table, a lot of bottles, white powder, broken cigarettes, a spreading puddle of lube... the usual abomination.

Sasuke opened the windows there too. His favorite pastime was waiting ahead: all this scum could be driven out, using any means, as long as the older brother didn’t see it. And well, this bastard cannot be easily woken up. Since childhood, if he hasn’t slept for at least ten hours, he will not react to light, sound, and possibly even touch.

Something told Sasuke that they all fell asleep only a couple hours ago.

Sasuke pulled a stool to a living room closet in order to reach the top shelf where everything he needed was. After loading a spray bottle with ice-cold water and picking up some trash bags, he took up cleaning. The most fortunate were those who reacted to the rumble of bottles being piled into one heap. It was a boy, hardly older than Sasuke himself, and a pale as death girl, whose smudged makeup gave her a charming resemblance to Joker.

And if the girl, holding on to her sick head, began to look for the missing clothes, then the boy decided to hide his head under the pillow. Sasuke, like a true gentleman, pulled a bottle of mineral water closer and threw a pack of pills within lady's sight. She moaned something, apparently trying to thank. Then she pulled out her purse from behind the sofa and hurried to leave.

The reaction on cold water, which Sasuke without a twinge of conscience splashed on sleepy bodies, was mostly extremely negative. Curses, groans, displeased muttering, attempts to hide behind other bodies or clothes that lay in crumpled pills between the bodies. Yet still people were resurrected, they creeped out the room, gloomily muttering something, emptying the package with mineral water. There were only three more bottles left when the last person left without saying a word.

All the clothes that were left by the guests flew in the trash right after the bottles. Itachi would pay them off in case they were insanely expensive. When the room began to resemble a part human house and the items that smelled the most were utilized completely, Sasuke fell onto the sofa next to his brother's sleeping body. Of all his clothes, only jeans remained on the body, however, once he happened to find this young man in an even more naked form.

“ _Why do you drink so much?”_

Sasuke could take just one photo when he walked in here, show it to someone from the damn church - and Itachi would have to go to work in a nearby supermarket for the rest of his life. But how can he be so cruel?

Well, pretty easily actually. But Sasuke wouldn't do anything. He is the one from the category of people who are trusted infinitely.

Itachi was very carefully in selecting people so that this hell wouldn’t leak out any further. In the main, he built his relationships with people on mutual compromising evidence. Sasuke would not be surprised to learn that Lady Joker is a bishop's daughter. It would be quite natural.

Itachi slept soundly as always. His hair looked awful; it would need to be washed up first. They were terribly shaggy and it seems to Sasuke that something was spilled on it: the front strands were somewhat sticky.

His entire forearm was mutilated; the bruises and abrasions of scarlet-violet spectrum looked terrible. What did you do this time? It looked like he was holding someone with one hand, someone not very grateful for these embraces. However, it could be caused anything else.

 _“Who hast thou corrupted today, holy father_?” Sasuke chuckled.

They have exactly one and a half hours, twenty minutes of which must be spent on the road. The mess starts at ten, and Itachi should look like he had prayed in the evening and went to bed at nine o’clock.

Not without effort, Sasuke turned his brother over onto his back, brushed the hair from his face, and not wasting his time looking at all those innocent gentle features of his face, leaned as close as possible, barely touching brother’s ear with his lips.

“ _I know one of your little secrets, Uchiha_ ,” he whispered and gently ran his hand over his brother’s cheek, sliding down to his neck. He received a weak reaction but still his brother only turned his head, opened his eyes for a split second and fell back into sleep.

Come on, you know that it's me.

Sasuke climbed on top of his brother, realizing that he weighs not like a girl and it is more difficult to ignore, and gently pulled Itachi's hand from a comfortable position to a critically uncomfortable one.

_“You hear me, although you don’t want to hear. Come on; give your pretty Sun some attention. Because I won't shut up until you silence me. Do you think I can't see that you are already awake? No, dear, I will not let you lie down a little to get used to the thought that morning has already come. I know that you have a headache... So how much longer do you intend to torture yourself and me? How much did you take yesterday? Don't mix drugs with alcohol, not before the fucking birthday of your damn church. Mother is very much waiting for you to finally say...”_

_“Shut the fuck up please.”_

This voice. Quiet. Weak. God, he really was feeling unbearably bad. What happened under this wonderful hair in those moments when he needed to make the right decisions? Yeah, right… nothing.

Itachi had tried to pull his hand powerlessly, but could not change position. It went numb? Sorry, dear, it was necessary.

Either pull your hand out or change the position of your whole body to ease the pressure – there was no more options.

_“You and I have only an hour. And if in twenty minutes you are not in a bright mind and sober memory, then in forty minutes you will not be able to do something with your mortal carcass in order to shine and sparkle.”_

_“Sasuke... my hand. Please.”_

Sasuke chuckled loudly. Sometimes it was even pleasant. Now it would be nice to scroll through all their conversations in his head, the subject of which was the dismissal of the younger and his acceptance of the fact of his own mediocrity. But for some reason, all that Sasuke felt at such moments was pity.

_“Look at me. Come on; open your eyes already. And I will let you go. But you won't get enough sleep today. You will get used to the morning with your eyes open. Don't you want some water, for example? It’s right there, you just need to reach out. Come on.”_

Sasuke knows that more than words, Itachi is usually annoyed by gentle, barely perceptible touches. But this time he can deal without it.

Itachi turned his head once more, this time looking at his own hand. This, probably, really made his life bitterer.

And the next second, this sore head was visited by an idea, a memory about the simple fact that he was, well, kind of stronger. All he had to do was open his eyes. Apparently not completely sober yet or maybe even high, he decided that this was the best way out of the situation. He pulled out his hand without difficulty, just as easily caught the younger's wrist and with an expression of pure pain on his face, changed positions with him. A complete loss of orientation in space was clearly visible just by looking at this face.

He’s an idiot, or what?

“ _What's the matter_?” Sasuke raised an eyebrow; his free hand touched his brother's face. His palms were cold from the moment he had crumbled ice from the refrigerator into a spray bottle. Little demon.

Itachi clearly approved of this touch, and after that, a glimpse of mind finally appeared in his gaze.

“ _It hurts,”_ he said slowly, and then leaned back into a steady sitting position. Sasuke crawled out from under him with ease and reached for the water. It would be funny to pass the bottle but most likely, he would just hit his brother in the head.

Two aspirin pills, a couple of sips of cold water. Big brother should come to life soon.

_“We need a second coming. Come on, descend back to me.”_

_“There was the first one?”_

Good, joking means thinking. Now a shower, a light breakfast so that he does not feel sick, and Sasuke also need to find his clothes and put them in order… and erase this smell.

_“You either drank all night, or slept with a corpse. What will you say to the people standing next to you?”_

Itachi got to his feet and stretched carefully. The body ached, but the head ached more. He looked on his apartment - what a devastation. What did they do yesterday? What about the marks on his hand, isn't it Sasuke's work?

 _“I will try to be silent.”_ Itachi concluded.

Sasuke laughed loudly, not worrying much about his brother's aching head.

_“But you’ll read today and it won't be your native language. And also I thought our mother said that there will be all sorts of complicated programs, chants and all the things...”_

Sasuke heard Itachi washing his face but realized that without his help, the elder brother wouldn’t do too many things, and therefore, glancing on the clocks once more, he hurried to the shower room.

Itachi bent over the sink, eyes closed. As expected, the level of capacity was close to zero. Yes, maybe they will flood everything with water; however, someone will probably do a normal cleaning by the evening so the temporary humidity will not spoil anything.

It was difficult to rinse the hair, and it will be even more difficult to dry and comb it. Itachi looked like he had been sick for months. The tone of the face left much to be desired, as well as the dark marks under the eyes. Yes, of course, this bastard has a make-up bag, but still it was hard to understand how one can be so irresponsible.

_“So, was it a blonde or that stubby young man who barely finished school?”_

Itachi turned his eyes on Sasuke and looked somewhat bewildered.

_“Wait, it wasn’t a girl?”_

_“You know better who you slept with that night.”_

_“I don’t remember.”_

_“I haven’t seen a single condom or a single open package. You should be tested for HIV just in case… a couple of people here looked rather suspicious”_

Itachi shook his head sleepily brushing the wet strands from his face.

 _“I haven't slept with anyone,”_ he finally said _._

_“And the lubricant is here only for esthetics? The whole table is flooded with it. By the way, the lube is bad. Like, seriously? You’re using water base when there were almost only boys here? You are either a sadist or you don’t know the simplest things.”_

_“It's not mine.”_

_“Does holy father know that silicone basis is better?”_

_“With anesthetic additive, yes, thanks for the lecture_ ,” - it seems that the pills began to work; he looked more alive and no longer reacted with a grimace to the slightest movement of his head. Sasuke brushed his wet hair carefully, realizing that he would be better to dry it first. But his brother wouldn’t survive the dryer and if not combed, these hair will dry out in an ugliest way.

“ _Where are the bruises from?”_

_“A bondage, maybe.”_

_“Maybe?”_

_“More likely.”_

_“So, you got drunk, poisoned your body with untested chemistry, poured someone else's lubricant on the table, allowed your hand to be tied to something or someone; you don't remember any of these actions at all, but you are sure that you did not sleep with anyone? Was it a party or an orgy? Or was it an orgy for everyone, but a party for you alone? Hey, this is not a proper reason to nominate you for sainthood, you know.”_

_“Yes, I heard about it somewhere.”_

Sinking down on a soft, clean bed was pleasant. And watch your younger brother iron your work clothes for you, too.

_“I don’t remember how I called you.”_

_“But you called. I am not involved in charity work and therefore be sure - I had to be convinced that I love you a little more than I hate you. Where is this fucking thing?”_

_"_ _A_ c _lerical collar,"_ Itachi corrected with a half smile. _“Lower cabinet.”_

It always amused him that Sasuke tried to be as dismissive of these clothes as possible, but in fact, he liked them. And especially the white Roman collar, which he almost always so affectionately called “a fucking thing".

_“So, we stopped at the fact that you have a terrible memory and you will not be canonized. What else?”_

_“I wasn’t drinking much, but I took more than should have been. Believe it or not, I was worried about the smell, apparently in vain. The girl ... If, of course, it was a girl, which I'm not sure about now, locked herself in the bathroom... Oh, I hope everything is intact there. In general, something happened: cries, tears - and I lost interest. Then I took more... few times. It’s true that I don't remember what happened to my hand, but it looks like these are marks from a belt.”_

_“How is your condition now?”_

_“Almost fine.”_

Sasuke hung his cassock on a hanger and hid it in a clothes covet and then neatly placed there the damned clerical collar and a black belt, the right name for which he simply didn’t remember.

_“You look pretty the same. Do you understand that you have to eat something?”_

_“I'm not sick, so it's okay. I really didn't drink that much. So mint tea and something low-fat would be fine. Can you make it?”_

Sasuke took out simple dark jeans and a white shirt from the closet, left them on the bed next to his brother. At such moments, he felt like his mom. Or maybe an older brother. It's funny considering that they are seven years apart. This man is thirty soon and he still wakes up badly in the morning without all those touches and long speeches.

It is simple to deal with tea, but with something low fat… there was a problem. There was some food in a fridge, but it will be problematic to call suitable. Luckily, Sasuke was extremely talented at making food out of nothing. Itachi showed up in the kitchen soon. The hair was almost dry, his brother seem to be able to think, and there was no smell. There were still twenty minutes left before the go.

“ _Do I have any chance to pass for myself?”_

_“More than half an hour ago.”_

Sasuke left the kitchen for a couple of minutes and returned with a small plastic box.

“ _Is it that bad?”_ Itachi raised an eyebrow but received no answer. There was still no appetite, so he mostly drank his tea and endured while a soft base of the foundation was slowly absorbing into the skin, endured a hard brush sliding over his face, and endured toxic jokes of his younger brother. Brother who over the past few years has succeeded in this matter. Both in jokes and in work with cosmetics.

“ _It's done. Finish your tea and let's go. Great things await us. You will cosplay Danko; I’ll try not to think about how damn sexy your collar looks for several long hours.”_

_“Think as much as you want. Believe me - it's easier to shine for people when you know for sure that someone wants you right now.”_

“ _Oh, do not flatter yourself. It’s fetish for clothes and nothing more.”_

 _“I suppose the local deacon will be dressed in the same way. And the bishop will be there. However only my collar will worry you, right?”_ The first smile of the morning flashed on the face of this man. Excellent. Indeed he is risen!

" _Of course,"_ Sasuke replied with the same smile, realizing that the conversation was slowly rolling into some kind of flirting zone. “ _Perhaps the reason is that I have a manic weakness for drug addicts and alcoholics, or maybe that your deacon is 40 and your bishop is 75.”_

_“Wow that was almost rude.”_

_“So stop doing this.”_

“ _And then?”_ God, why did he behave like that? It's not even a damn question, it's a double bottom invitation. Just dare to answer - and you will fail right there, the trap will slam shut and that’s all. There goes his lovely self-esteem.

_“And then grace will descend on you in the form of promotion.”_

“ _It’ll have it anyway, I'm just too young. It is the matter of time. You know, that's not what I'm asking.”_

An open provocation was sometimes read in his eyes. He seemed to say, "Hey, I know everything." Or maybe he really knew.

But Sasuke felt that if Itachi was sure of his guess, he would have done something long ago. Something a little more serious than constant hugs, ambiguous compliments, unnecessary touches and occasional kisses.

This had become the norm over the last years. Sasuke knew Itachi lived by a simple principle.

He does because he can.

Nobody and nothing could forbid him to walk along the very immoral border of his worldview. There is nothing he can’t do. If he wants it - he can do it. It is unlikely that he ever killed anyone, but if Sasuke knew about it, he wouldn’t be surprised.

Sometimes Itachi liked to forget that they were brothers. And sometimes he liked to highlight the blood connection. On some day, Sasuke is no one to him, on some - the most precious creature in the world. Today you can hug him and thank him with tears for understanding, and tomorrow you can drunkenly press him against the wall and whisper hotly about lovely rods you’ve just bought and a sex until morning.

That's what Itachi is all about. None of this ever happened; he even meddled with all those kisses only when he was drunk. Everything is fine.

Well, it could be fine.

It could be if Sasuke's heart didn't go crazy every time. Not even once had he had the heart to push his brother away and now it became normal. It would be too strange if he reacted sharply to something like that. Sasuke had persuaded himself that it isn’t serious and answered with laughing or responding provocation, both leading nowhere.

It always was strange, but for Itachi there was no need to explanation himself. Yeah, who cares about others’ thoughts; all the others, including Sasuke?

Why should he care if Sasuke never pushed him away?

Even if Sasuke wanted to.

Countless times he wanted to take his brother's hand away from his face, over and over again he repeated all the weighty arguments against everything that was happening… in his head.

Itachi would have laughed if he heard them.

Wrong? Oh my god, Sasuke, you’ve managed to find something wrong it this perfect world? No way!

But the point was not the notorious wrong or right shit, that’s ridiculous actually.

It was about the perception of each other. And the difference that is too big to talk about any kind of understanding.

Itachi liked doing things differently than the world expected of him. He breaks the rules and genuinely wonders why others don't do the same. He allowed himself to do what others did not, and received immense pleasure from it. Stupid? Perhaps, but he always saw some sense in it.

People who are emerged from the system are always happier. But usually we are talking about those who managed to achieve success without patterns built by society like "study-work-family". No, that wouldn't be enough for Itachi...

To some extent, he actually left this system. Studying was not a priority for him, he did not study as well as he could; he was interested in money and went into religion, knowing what income it would bring him one day; he was not interested in marriage - well, now he is obliged to keep the vow of celibacy. He failed to accomplish any of the classic human tasks. But he was happy.

The thorough violation of laws, especially the laws of morality, gave him pleasure.

Brother. What could be funnier than not giving a damn about incest condemned by whole society? And what can be better if it’s with a man? That's all, bingo. Sasuke could remember that in the most merciful variations of the Christian faith family of such a sinner cannot ever pray for him after the death.

Sasuke himself was not what interested him; he was only concerned with the role. The same "family" tag that disturbs everyone, but not Itachi. It was that simple, always.

And for the younger brother everything was different since his damned childhood.

He stretched out his hand and met the return touch with a feeling of how everything inside collapses. He saw understanding in the eyes of this man, attention that no one could give him. Yes, Itachi loved him. Loved in a special way. It wasn’t love that keeps family together yet it wasn’t lovers experience too; it was something completely different. Touches, soft sliding of fingers through hair and open areas of skin, breathing, kisses... Sometimes completely innocent, left on hands, cheeks, temples… and sometimes in was far from innocence. Very far.

At times, Sasuke felt almost addicted to these little things. He hated it, despised his weakness with every fiber of his soul.

All Sasuke wanted, forcing himself to work hard, was to stop feeling like a ward, a junior, a weak... an addicted. But he did not receive approval for this.

Is it possible to say that Sasuke's crush was very obvious? Lord, it has been clear for several years now.

He was not disappointed by the fact that he did not build a solid relationship, one could even say that he did literally nothing to develop it. He was drifting like wood in a flow, losing good people and opportunities on his way down, but everything always ended up with Itachi speaking only two words. And then everything fell into place.

_What for?_

And really, what for? What was the point of this pathetic attempt, if he had newer succeed with his real desires that way?

Because he wanted to find recognition, he wanted to feel equal, he wanted to have the right to tell him anything and not be afraid of reaction. And this complex inhibited all Itachi’s devilish attraction.

“ _Any plans for the evening?”_ Itachi asked as they got in the car.

Sasuke distracted his own thoughts with a quick glance at him. It's funny that no one would have thought that just recently this man was dying after a "hard" evening and maybe even still high.

_“Any suggestions?”_

_“I would ask if hadn’t one?”_

_“I’ve got things to do.”_

Itachi made a frustrated sound. But that's not the end, there will obviously be some other attempts. And he’s going to start with the trump cards.

 _“Sleep, work, girl? What?”_ Itachi glanced down at his hands and remembered that he had not removed the rings. He should not show himself with such hands in front of higher authorities who will pray today to God for the… oh, yes a fucking building’s welfare. What an importance.

 _"Work,"_ Sasuke replied indifferently, overtaking a light foreign car. He suddenly became so interested in the road.

_“By the way, I was going to send you...”_

_“You already did it.”_

_“Oh really? It's funny that you still haven't kicked up tantrums demanding to take them away immediately. Could it be that you finally realized how pointless that is? This makes your brother happy. That's just... If you do take money, why would you rush to work in the evening? I know that you work part-time without any schedules.”_

Sasuke rolled his eyes back as he parked the car outside the church. There were only few places left. What a pretty vehicles everyone have here. A pure biblical modesty, you know. However, he just left there one no cheaper than all other.

Turning to his brother, he remained silent for a while, telling more than any words can describe.

 _“You're just bored, right?”_ Itachi made an assumption.

_“No. I'm not bored. Itachi, don't. Not now, please. You know, this conversation will lead nowhere, except that I will be angry with you again.”_

Itachi didn't even look at his brother, he had freed his hands of rings, tied his hair into a ponytail and was examining his face in the mirror, making sure that no traces of makeup were visible on it.

_“Your attitude to my job…”_

_“My attitude?”_ The elder asked to make sure he herd it well _“Lord, you're still a child who didn't even try to understand what childhood is. Nobody presses on you, nobody forces you to anything yet you are the most unhappy person in the world. You try to grow up early. And you won't succeed at this as long as your "adulthood" simply emulates a responsible life. You won't have a choice. Sooner or later you will have to do all of this. You will unavoidably achieve what you want, so why rush for it?”_

_“Is the option “I want it so” no longer quoted?”_

_“You do not understand what you want. Once you will look back. And what will you see? How old you was when decided it was important? Ten? Even younger? Yes, training is great, study is also not bad; but do you understand that you have reached the point of absurdity and stepped over it?”_

_“What do you want?”_ Sasuke got out of the car gritting his teeth and his brother followed him. He seemed to be completely normal, even managed to catch the keys to his car.

_“One private club is celebrating its birthday tonight.”_

Sasuke stretched his arms to the temple. Here's the damn club that is holding its birthday party! What more do you want? Itachi appreciated the joke.

“ _Well, no, it will be a little more fun. Although I do not know what will happen here yet, but I promise that I can entertain you in the evening better than now. And don't you dare underestimate me.”_

“ _Aren't you afraid to run around the clubs?”_

“ _I’ve told you, it's private. Seventy-five invitees. I know all these people_ ,” - Itachi reasoned logically, taking a clothes covet with working clothes from the trunk.

_“What about plus one rule? Or is it only you who have the right to take a guest?”_

“ _Actually, I don’t, but I’ll make an agreement_. _There will be a shot performance. Little masochist like you are will definitely like it.”_

_“I’m not…”_

“SASUKE!”

The youngest Uchiha turned and saw his parents, who walked to their pace. Just a couple of seconds - and he was already squeezed in an embrace.

_“I’m so glad you’ve managed to break free. I miss you so much. You haven't come home at all lately.”_

Itachi ran his fingers over Sasuke's shoulder blades, smiling softly, and nodded to his mother as he walked towards the main entrance. Well yes, he needs to change and get ready.

_“Oh, Sasuke, how do you do?”_

And so it began. For some reason, Sasuke was annoyed. How does baby live, what he eats, does he dress warmly, is he sick? And how are you doing in the uni, and what about the girls? How does it happened that he doesn’t like none of them, why haven’t he introduced anyone to parents? And what about friends, and how is Naruto doing there? Sasuke replied in monosyllables, not wanting to start a conversation.

These two are doing well, father recovered after a pretty serious leg fracture; mother was carried away by the restoration of icons. She was not allowed to access the serious assets of the church, but she did some useful work.

What a fine fellow, always ready to waste energy for free. Here, take your little ticket to heaven.

There were many people. More than Sasuke would like to see. The all talked quietly. Someone was already praying; others were sorting out the songbooks. His mother handed him a book, which she embroidered herself.

Yet he wouldn’t sing anyway. And he wouldn’t read. And he wouldn’t pray either.

He wouldn’t do anything. Just a several hours of oppressive boredom. And maybe a few drops of fun when Itachi will begin to read.

Sasuke has to admit that he always did it in a special way - no one doubts that. He had a pleasant voice, he read slowly, with soft expressiveness. And in general, sometimes it seemed that if someone will place a searchlight behind him, whole the church will witness an angel descended, a pure grace sent by God.

Damn, how can this clothing suit him so well? This dark cassock covering his entire body, this damn collar - oh God, who invented this thing and why. How can something so small and simple be so sexy? At least it's understandable now why the priest's or nun's uniforms are the second most requested among all costumes from sex shops.

It looked contrasting. Dark clothes, almost white skin, even the tied up hair still looked delightful, expressive eyes, which at times could even seem tinted. No, seriously, his eyelashes are just something. They are clearly visible even from the sixth row, on which Sasuke was sitting. At such moments, even he felt a little deceived. He saw holiness. He saw honesty. He saw everything that only true believers have. The true believers whose meaning of life is to serve this mortal world and spread the Lord’s word.

Fuck you, Uchiha.

While everyone were chanting, Sasuke almost fell asleep. Chronic fatigue made itself felt. And this all despite the fact that he slept for ten hours at night, did not drink last evening and wasn’t at work early in the morning. How all those stupid songs can opiate is a true miracle. Mother did not particularly react to the fact that her son showed no enthusiasm. She, in principle, considered him a person of little emotion.

_“You haven't been to the temple for a long time, have you? You don't seem to go without us.”_

“ _Yes, there is no much time left in a week. When my studies are over, I promise to take it more responsibly.”_ Sasuke gets himself off as usual. The word “responsibility” worked amazingly on parents.

“ _The deacon said that today it will be possible to confess, despite the fact that it is a holiday. You will definitely need to do this. Surely you have a lot to tell.”_

_“Will Itachi be accepting confessions too?”_

_“I do not know, maybe. What's the question, Sasuke? You know that you can't go to him anyway. Just do not brush it off, I know that my sons do not have grave sins for their souls, but this does not mean that you have nothing to repent of._

Oh, how much would be worth telling if at least one of his confessions was sincere. He would have read penance for eternity to pray for his mistakes and intentional atrocities. But instead, he talked about kittens killed by accident, about bad words, about drinking an extra glass of wine and other shit that made the lives of priests even more boring and meaningless.

People gradually dispersed, the temple continued to work as usual.

Mikoto kissed her son goodbye and made him swear that he will confess today. She herself tried not to abuse it. Her Confessor talked to her in nonworking days because she never fit in 15 minutes.

As soon as parents left the building, Sasuke began to gather with lightning speed, not even deciding where exactly he was about to run. If only away from here.

Two confessional not far from the entrance were closed, there already someone begged forgiveness for the fact that he is scum and isn’t ready to accept it. Sasuke slung the bag over his shoulder and moved quite fast yet at the very exit he had to stop. He heard his name, but he didn't want to turn around. Why did he even slow down if he could pretend not to hear it.

“ _You made a promise.”_

Sasuke glanced over his shoulder. Oh, of course, who else would have tried to stop him. Just do not pretend that you are not doing this in order to carve out more time for your beloved persuasion.

_“Careful with that, one might think I rarely brake them.”_

_“Come on, I'll listen to you. There is another confessional, but it is a little further, so there are always much fewer people there. You will even have an opportunity to collect your thoughts and not worry about the fact that there’s a line behind the door.”_

_“Are you serious?”_

_“And you have nothing to tell?”_

Sasuke folded his arms over his chest, looking at the people nearby. Someone smiled in greeting and performed a faint semblance of bow at the sight of the eldest Uchiha who was definitely having some perverse pleasure watching this.

“ _What should I repent of, holy father? Words cannot atone for my sins.”_

_‘Who knows, give it a try.”_

Itachi turned around and Sasuke followed him, sadly realizing that most likely he would have to stay. And in the evening too; his attention will be totally privatized.

There wasn’t anybody here. Sasuke, however, felt like the reason for this was that only special people confessed here. Itachi smiled slyly and slipped into his section of the confessional, which looked like two adjacent booths.

They were always terribly stuffy, dark and boring. But well, at least this is Itachi and not mother's Confessor, who already knows everything about you from her stories.

Sasuke dropped his bag on a bench and entered his half of the booth.

The space was quite narrow, even narrower than an elevator in the building where his current apartment was located. A small chair, a short bench near the wall in case one would be more pleasant to beg forgiveness on his knees.

Sinking into the chair, Sasuke looked up at a dark ceiling. The outlines of the booth were clearly visible, because the doors here never fit tightly, even if they were latched shut. A streak of light cut through the darkness and Sasuke saw how particles of dust dance strangely in the air. How many times has Sasuke looked at them instead of biting his lip and thinking about his sins?

“ _You just don’t want to do your job, do you?”_

_“I listen to you, my son.”_

_“Lord… I don't remember what the hell I need to say. The last time I did this was five years ago.”_

Sasuke was annoyed that he couldn't see his brother. Imagination threw him such malicious expressions that, perhaps, it could never appear on his brother’s face.

_“Pull back that damn curtain.”_

_“Perhaps anonymous repentance will be more useful to you.”_

They were separated by a window with a strange ornate pattern, on the other side of which hung a small curtain of black velvet fabric.

_“I have sinned, Father: I was born. And from the first day of my life, I commit sins for which God despises me. Once I was told that our divinity perceives sin as a personal insult, and therefore it is worthwhile to feel shame not only in front of yourself, but in front of Him too. Where the fuck does so much vulnerability come from?”_

_“You ask as if I told you this nonsense. Anything specific? I love the topic of whoredom.”_

_“I can tell you about sinful actions I sometimes commit towards my brother_ ,” Sasuke said almost sweetly, but he didn’t hear an answer _“In fact, I am not the initiator...”_

_“Sometimes you are.”_

_“Okay, I rarely initiate this terrible sin, but every time I feel such guilt as if...”_

_“This is all clear, can you start speak more specifically?_

_“What an impatient person you are, father. You promised me a little time to collect my thoughts. Yet the sense of tact is alien to you. You know, maybe I'm nervous remembering everything he did to me!..”_

It was a victory: the curtain went to the side, and behind the carved pattern, Sasuke saw his brother's quite pleased face, on which there was only a bit of insult.

_“And what did I do to you?”_

_“Places saturated with lust and debauchery, where there is no place for a truly believing soul...”_

_“Nah, Sasuke. That’s a good establishment.”_

_“People lost in their own sins, drowned in greed and forbidden desires...”_

_“You want to talk about that?”_

_“Have you transferred from priests to psychologists?”_ Sasuke arched an eyebrow _. “It's stuffy here. I never liked those murder boxes; I even thought that I might be claustrophobic. Or that this syndrome has developed from regular childhood confessions. Topics discussed. I'm not going to the club. May I go home, holy father? For your sake, I woke up at seven in the morning and did enough for your ass to let me go to hell with a good heart.”_

Something clicked, and for the first time Sasuke saw the window open. Why is it needed here at all, wouldn't the curtains be enough? Too many questions, too few answers.

_“You're too noisy. Be a little quieter, you’re twisting your soul to me after all. And I do not accept refusal, so thou shalt not go home now._

_“You gonna stop me?”_

Itachi played the cell phone in his hands, and Sasuke didn't immediately realize that it was his. When this became clear, he only sighed in disappointment.

_“Well, this is a kindergarten level.”_

_“You won't run away without it. So, I'm not going to self-destruct from this conversation. We will go home around twelve o'clock. I can take you to my apartment if you don't want to disturb your friend.”_

_"You just don't know where I live,"_ Sasuke chuckled.

 _"Let's say so,"_ Itachi agreed _“But this does not mean that I won’t be able to deliver you to the address, if it is an important condition of our agreement. And naturally, I pay for everything... But if this is important again, then you can sponsor yourself as an adult and independent man._

_“Fuck you.”_

_“I have already said that there will be a good program. In principle, the club is very welcoming: there are excellent lounges and these are the special people. You've already grown up to such events, right?”_

_“Return the phone.”_

_“I need the answer ‘yes’, and then we will see what can be done with your phone.”_

Sasuke jerked forward, but he couldn't grab his cell.

 _“I said be quiet,”_ Itachi hissed, pulling his hand up. The window is open, and Itachi won’t jump out of the door - there may be people outside. Well, you never know until you try. Sasuke carefully stepped on the chair, and pressing on his hands, almost dexterously moved to the other side. It is problematic for two to stand here, but if one is sitting, they can deal with it. Sasuke easily grabbed his phone and slid it into the back pocket of his jeans.

 _“The confession is over,”_ he smiled, and at that very moment the door on the other side of the booth opened slightly. Sasuke bended his neck sharply and Itachi reacted instantly and closed the curtain. Both froze, looking at the fabric swaying with movement on the other side.

Someone sat down on a chair on the other side and then a woman's voice quietly began to read Lord's Prayer.

Sasuke slowly raised his eyes on his brother, trying with this one glance to convey how much he regretted not closing the door on the heck… but Itachi was smiling.

Oh no, are you serious? Do you think this is fun?

“Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner,” she finished.

Sasuke shook his head as if he was asking God to let her know that nothing would work now even if he knew it was pointless. What about confidentiality? Sasuke knew how to respect other people's feelings, and he didn't want to get into her holy cleansing so disgustingly.

“ _My child, Christ is invisibly standing with us accepting your confession. Do not be ashamed, do not be afraid and do not hide anything from me, but say everything that you have sinned, without embarrassment, and you will accept the remission of sins….”_

Are you being serious?! Damn it, no, no, no.

_“I haven't been to confession for a very long time. A lot has happened, for a lot I want to apologize. I am sorry that I did not participate in the service. Father, will the Lord accept me back if I rejected him?”_

Oh, it’ll take a long time. It is necessary to move, the position is too difficult to stand for more than a few minutes. Sasuke carefully straightened up, hoping to do it quietly.

_“The Lord accepts all who are pure in soul and mind. We have doubts, but they need to be eradicated. You must understand that our Lord our God did not reject you and therefore he does not need to accept you back, however, this is a grave sin that must be prayed for.”_

How can he say all this bullshit with such a happy face? If the woman saw her redeemer now, she would lose faith for the rest of her life. Itachi reached out and lightly touched Sasuke's shirt pulling him closer. It is unlikely that this was done because the youngest will get tired of sitting.

He was afraid. Yes, aniki clearly saw that Sasuke was afraid of being caught. Although in fact the fear should have been far from him. Itachi, on the other hand, looked like he honestly didn’t care if anyone’ll understand that something is happening behind the wall. Although, perhaps, he simply did not appreciate the intellectual abilities of the girl on the other side.

Sasuke gave in, putting his knee on the bench where Itachi was sitting. Don't get any closer. Please. Do not.

_“The doubt is a test. You must resist it.”_

Damn, he still manages to listen and understand what she is talking about. Sasuke’s own panic beat in his temples as Itachi was simply sitting there and doing his job.

Sasuke had to get down on his brother’s knees, but he was still staring at the fabric warily. Yes, the curtain is drawn, but the window is open. One awkward movement of hers - and how many problems will immediately fall on heads of all three locked in there.

She began to explain something, telling things in order to justify herself at least a bit. Sasuke remembered that one can't do that. But as she spoke, even breathing was easier. Her words mean that she is focused on herself and does not listen.

Brother's warm hand touched his stomach, and its warmth was felt even through the cotton, fingers gently unbuttoned the lowest button of the shirt. Sasuke caught his hand, staring blankly at his brother, who was still smiling conspiratorially, slightly raising his eyebrows. He seemed to be asking: “So what are you going to do now? Hmm?"

Itachi’s other hand fell on his waist, crawled softly onto his back and forced him to become even closer. Sasuke let out a slow breath, promising himself that he won’t react anymore.

“ _You cannot justify a sin. If the soul is not ready to admit guilt, it can never cross the threshold of repentance and find salvation.”_

_“But I'm ready. I'm guilty. Before my mother for my lies and greed, before my brother, before my father, I am guilty before our Lord. I was lost, but I found a way, I don't want to lose it anymore. I will never give up again what my heart tells me...”_

Sasuke was losing the thread of her reasoning. Like… she decided to enroll in an atheist and as soon as problems happened, she rushed to the temple, because she did not know how else to deal with it. Isn’t it the most popular story?

Oh, and there’re very few intact buttons left...

Resisting was a bad idea. Firstly, because it is noisy and secondly, because his hands are so hot.

Let him have fun, he still won't do anything over and above. Not in these circumstances. He just wants to play, because this situation does not happen every day. Sasuke can live it through.

However, when the shirt, under the soft influence of warm hands, bared his shoulders and folded at the bends of his elbows; when Sasuke felt the touch of the lips against his neck, it became so clear... his plan will not work. His fingers were holding over his brother's shoulders, wrinkling the dark cloth of his cassock. The words that Itachi spoke burned the bare skin with their breath, and the light touch of the lips felt much sharper than usual. He did not kiss, he really just touched, afraid of creating unnecessary sound – the audibility is too good in that box.

Sasuke feels the nails went down his back and how with them came a serious tension, which even gave way to pain. Bad game. A very bad game.

Sasuke shook his head, looking into the eyes of his puzzled brother, whose palm rose higher and his fingers drowning in unruly hair. He was saying something, but at the same time remained amazingly indifferent: all his attention was there, it was with Sasuke. The palm pressed down on his head, forcing him to lean a little closer, and the younger brother accepted his loss in this game, touching his brother’s lips, slowly and devilishly carefully. They couldn't afford to kiss, not now, but Itachi didn't really mind; his tongue gently touched his brother's lips without any persistence. Well, as strange as it was, Sasuke opened his mouth, making a counter movement and hoping that the sinner on the other side of the curtain is somewhat deaf.

_"... not to allow this?”_

Sasuke tried to distract himself by placing his face on the warm shoulder to take a normal breath. His brother's hand gripped his waist tightly and his voice sounded so close.

 _“The degree of repentance and the depth of faith will help you not to make this mistake again. Pray and you will be heard. Ask for strength to restrain,”_ Sasuke quietly tapped his brother on the shoulder when he felt the hand gripping the belt of his jeans, “ _God always supports those who are ready to fight. When you are forgiven, you will feel it, you’ll know that you are clean again. Don't lose your way.”_

When will you finally let her go, Itachi?!

That’s all. Damn. His excitation had reached the point where it would be impossible to turn back painlessly and Itachi's hand could clearly feel it.

“ _I deliver you from your sins in the name of the Lord, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Go in peace and serve the Lord.”_

“ _Thank God.”_ She answers.

“Thank God” Sasuke thinks.

A couple of moments had passed and the door creaked. Sasuke immediately felt a hard grip on his own hair and a kiss that was deliciously rough and cutting off even the theoretical possibility of defiance.

Sasuke couldn’t remember them doing something as bold as this. When did all this happen?

He sits here with bare shoulders, kissing so that he cannot even breathe, burning alive. However, there is something more important.

“ _The door…”_ he managed to utter before he lost precious ability to speak again. How aggressive, what the hell is wrong with you. Itachi pressed him on the chest and Sasuke had to get to his feet, all without breaking the contact. How strong he is when he needs it. The skin ached his hands touched it but hardly from a pain. He hugged him like Sasuke was a plush toy, just a little more and Uchicha’s youngest will need to worry about the integrity of his ribs.

Still, the door wasn’t leaving his mind and so he broke the kiss, throwing his head back. Itachi immediately found a new aim – gentle neck; and it is pointless to pray: he will leave marks there anyway.

_“Please let me close the door.”_

_“What for?”_ There came the favorite question.

_“It's opened! Not even covered, anyone can enter any time. I'm not ready to go through this one more time. I can't even breathe, it's fortunate that she didn't hear me. Stop it. Itachi, damn it... Stop.”_

The victory was for him, Itachi really pulled back. This slight madness in his smile... It was always frightening, but at the same time it seemed especially attractive. Itachi was never afraid of anything. Especially the slightly open door.

_“Let them come. You're adorable when it's so hard for you to breathe.”_

_“And if I say something? If... I couldn't hold out?”_

_“I will have problems. Or I won't. But you can... hold out, I mean. And you don't need to be silent. Do you want to take my place?_

_“No.”_

_“Come on, it will be funny. You know what to say. You have heard this countless times, plus I’ve just reminded you it all. They do not know what they will hear; you can’t make a mistake...”_

_“Are you crazy or what? I said no.”_

_“In your opinion, I have a greater right to say something? Come on, Sasuke. This is such a rare chance. It will be funny, and after a while you will have something to remember. I really want to see this.”_

_“I won’t…”_

_“Yes. You will do it. Sasuke, you’ll do it.”_ Kisses again. Where is the damned right to choose? Itachi easily sat Sasuke in his place, touching his bare neck, shoulders, chest with his hands. This situation excited him no less, however the younger would gladly refuse such a gift.

He said that few people know about this confessional. Damn, who could expect this to happen?

However... Where is the solid "no"? Why didn’t it break out? Why he didn’t ran out ignoring people and what they might think? Itachi wouldn’t be able to hold him back by force.

Why was Sasuke giving up without even trying to do something about it? He’s always giving up.

“ _Don't worry so much. It's going to be great. You will do a good deed by letting go of someone's headache. It’s just stamped phrases and all the same instructions. It's easy.” H_ e knelt in front of Sasuke, it appears to be more comfortable to sit that way... oh no.

_“You… don't you dare.”_

_“Don't you dare what?"_ Itachi smiled slyly, tossing his tail to the other side. And again, Sasuke saw the challenge is in the eyes.

Don't you dare what? Will you voice it? Can you? Or will you remain silent, as you always do?

_“If you’ll do anything...”_

_“What is anything?”_

_“Then this game will end and I don't care what problems you will have later and what you’ll...”_

Sasuke interrupted himself. The door creaked softly. On the other side, a heavy body dropped to its knees. And silence dropped too. Itachi nodded for his brother to gather his thoughts and begin. The previous girl started herself and this one was silent. What to do?

Fuck you Itachi, burn in hell.

Calm down. He always knew everything by heart, he was on this place for the thousandth time, what difference does it make on which side he’s now? "My child," Itachi's lips moved, and his hand rested on Sasuke's, squeezing it gently.

Come on.

_“Holy father?”_

No. No-no-no. He will definitely say something wrong; he will definitely be mistaken. No. However Itachi wasn’t scared, he was still smiling, looking expectantly at Sasuke, as if he was about to say something really important.

 _"My child,"_ Sasuke finally said, horrified at how unsuitable his voice was for this whole situation.

The hand tightened more, Itachi waited more.

_“Christ is invisibly standing, accepting your confession. Do not be afraid, do not be ashamed of me and do not hide anything from me, but say everything in what you have sinned without being embarrassed and you will receive the remission of sins from our Lord Jesus Christ. I am only a witness. Whatever you’ll tell me I will testify before Him. If you hide something from me, your sins will be aggravated.”_

Like that?

Itachi's smile had a hint of savagery in it, some primordial madness, but there was no doubt that he was happy. Why? This was such a nonsense; they were like schoolchildren fooling someone. Itachi moved closer and immediately bumped into Sasuke’s outstretched hand, which he pulled away with this usual mockery on his face. Well, of course, it couldn’t be that simple.

“ _It was demons who possessed me and I could not cope with them. I decided that I had some right to judge. And I was judging. I am an obedient parishioner, I come here all the time, I do not miss services, and my faith is as strong as my desire to live. But lately my mother has started to escalate everything. I have committed a terrible sin...”_

You can go to hell with your sin… and you… take off your hands this very second! Panic grew as Sasuke was losing the war. The belt clinked, but the man did not break his speech for a second. The heart of the youngest of the brothers in a split second got somewhere where it wasn’t supposed to be anatomically. Right in his mouth, actually.

The sensation was pleasant, jeans pressed very painfully on the already raised part of the body. But Sasuke really believed that nothing like this could happen in principle, Itachi wasn’t that...

Well, apparently he was.

What was he even thinking?..

Itachi's lips gently touched the head, darkened from a surging blood, and then his tongue drew a short line to the lower part avoiding the most sensitive area. Oh, so he’ll be playing, yeah? The worst thing was that absolutely everything was visible: Itachi's closed eyes, tongue movements, a glint of saliva on his penis.

“ _But I know it’s not right,”_ the man's grief gave off a rotten aftertaste.

No, you have no idea what “not right” really means.

_“Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.”_

He was speaking too fast. How much do you need to keep under control to get everything going right?

Sasuke bent down, running his fingers into Itachi's hair, which he, apparently, took for an invitation and squeezed his cock with the lips, smoothly lowering his head. The main aim now is to remain quiet. Well, remembering what they were doing it’s easy to understand that keeping silent is quite a mission. Sasuke who had already had to bite his lips to keep his breath from losing a calm rhythm was feeling like he’s losing. Why did something so frank have to happen right here and right now?

Itachi pulled his head away, looking up at Sasuke.

It was time to say something. What? Did he miss something? How to distract yourself from those wet lips, how can you even think about something else. Itachi nodded and Sasuke had no choice but to believe him.

 _“So it is”_ Sasuke consented something, whatever the fuck it was. Was it required? No? What's happening?

“ _What should I do?”_ The man asked quietly.

What is it all about?

“ _Like all guilty ones,”_ Sasuke decided to play on versatility “ _Believe, repent, ask for forgiveness and not succumb to sins again.”_

_“Will you give me a penance?”_

Itachi raised an eyebrow, cast a couple of glances at the corners of the confessional and then shook his head in dismissal.

 _“I can, but you don't need it. Why seek forgiveness in prayer?”_ It seems that this phrase will now break the life of this poor catholic, because Itachi let out a soundless chuckle very expressively, _“You do not need to do this now, the cause of your sins lies deep in you. The Lord has nothing to forgive you for if you can figure out what eat at you, if you can overcome your own fear and anger and come to humility.”_

“ _But…”_

 _“Any prayer is good for the search for self_ ” How wretched and stupid it sounds. Itachi began to chuckle silently, covering his mouth with the back of his hand, “ _This is not important. You are looking for forgiveness in complex rituals, but you need to look for it in yourself.”_

Lord, stop laughing you idiot! He did not know what to say, how to answer and what, in general, was the man’s problem - he wasn’t listening because someone's mouth was extremely persistent in distracting him.

_“I was looking, Holy Father.”_

The unpriest closed his eyes, feeling the pain caused by the pressing hand, but it was truly magnificent.

_“I will forgive you the sin that you have already committed, but a big struggle awaits you, kha...”_

Sasuke hit hard his brother who swallowed it too deep. His head was spinning. Sick bastard, how do you imagine the combination of these two processes?! Sasuke's fingers seemed to be about to rip through flesh as they pressed down on his shoulders so hard.

If this blockhead doesn't speak now, he will hear too much.

 _“How often do you pray in the evenings?”_ Sasuke asked the stupidest question in the world, but there was simply no other left in his already empty, intoxicated head.

_“Every evening. If I have the opportunity to kneel in front of an icon, I always do it. If not - I pray looking at the sky. My wife…”_

Sasuke could hear his own breathing and feel how deep a shiver had crept into him. How to speak in such a condition? Impossible. Itachi did not spare him at all, but he worked with his mouth devilishly slowly because any sudden movement could create a sound that is quite natural and recognizable for a blowjob. And what his tongue was doing was generally hard to describe: it slid, pressing on dense veins, gently touching the most sensitive places, teasing and breaking the remaining semblance of control.

And everything was so slow.

It’s one more reason why it was so unbearably difficult to endure. Sasuke inhaled sharply, again exposing Itachi's shoulder to pain. The man's speech interrupted instantly.

He heard.

 _“What for?”_ Sasuke immediately asked exhaling and having no idea if the question hit the target or passed by.

_“Why am I telling her this? Is that bad, Father?”_

Sasuke bit down painfully on the skin on his own hand, not knowing how to open his mouth at all. A streak of light cut across his face, probably every mimicries he made was very clearly visible. And there were a lot of them - the inability to breathe and make sounds was reflected brightly.

 _“It is not bad. But what leads you?”_ His straight was enough for a short phrase. He will have to say something else. His legs trembled and Sasuke gasped for air again, this time clutching his fingers on his brother's head, probably pulling his hair painfully.

The man seriously began to explain what he considered as good and boon, surely thinking that the priest was strange today, but he could hardly imagine that his holy father was on the verge of orgasm, and therefore he simply could not even understand what sins he’s confessing.

_“I’m sorry that I was so rude, I’m sorry that I took such freedom of action, I know how wrong and terrible it was of me. I asked her for forgiveness - she forgave me, now I ask the Lord for forgiveness.”_

Sasuke closed his eyes, holding his breath. He is no longer able to say a word. His brother's hand rested over youngest brother’s lips pressing strongly; it was even a little painful, but it didn't bother one or the other. He managed to restrain a groan when his insides literally flushed up and threw off all physical stress giving a way to light and sweet pleasure. He no longer heard anything and he did not care what the sinner was thinking about it all.

 _“I deliver you from your sins in the name of the Lord, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Go in peace and serve the Lord,”_ Itachi said instead of him.

Will the person notice the change in voice and the sound source? Hardly.

“ _Thanks be to God_ ,” came the short answer, and then the door creaked again. Itachi took his hand away, and Sasuke took a breath, loud enough to hear. One such sound a couple of moments ago - and the game would have been lost.

“ _Hate you.”_

_“It was amazing.”_

_"I sincerely... My God, I sincerely wish you an earliest death,"_ Sasuke took a more stable position, buttoning up his jeans _“Wait… you’ve swallowed it?”_

 _“Should I have dirty my clothes? It’s fine. You did a great job_.”

How nice is it to breathe. Sasuke was still catching his breath, not knowing if he was angry about what was happening right now or he could laugh already.

" _Any prayer is good_ ," he repeated weakly, and Itachi laughed aloud this time, _“Can I go now, Father? I won’t stand one more sinner. I want some fresh air.”_

 _“On condition that you’ll go with me this evening. Are you going_?” Itachi specified, holding out a hand to his brother and helping him to his feet “ _Because if you won’t go, I will make you beg me for generous forgiveness. As long and as painful as I want. So are you going?”_

The voice sounded somewhere very close to the ear and goose bumps crept down Sasuke’s spine. If he doesn't leave right now, then a couple of such phrases and he’ll have problems again. These very problems.

“ _I’m going. Just let me go at last.”_

Sasuke felt an irresistible urge to touch his lips now. Just... he didn't feel like he had the right to do it. Itachi can do whatever he wants. And Sasuke... and Sasuke can't. He still plays the role of a man who finds all of this it funny; Sasuke plays someone like his brother - too cynical and immoral for affection. No sentimentality or serious feelings. His role in this game is simple: resist, laugh, and give in sometimes. Anything but not playing the role of the initiator.

_“I'll pick you up around seven”_

_“At your place. At seven. I'll get there myself. And you won't even kiss me goodbye?”_

_“I think you've had enough.”_

_“Bastard.”_

Itachi left the confessional, made sure there were no people around and knocked on the door. Sasuke slipped out after him. And at that very moment a man appeared in the corridor. He seemed to be one of those who wished to confess. Sasuke nodded goodbye to the priest as if they were just talking about some serious theology topics, took the bag from the bench and hurried to leave the walls of this temple.

His heart thundered as if it was unhealthy.

What. It. Was. Now.


	3. Ethyl freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to iRA_SV_GLBR, JmaSiora, Ruusen, Fellinika, Sabriall & notnobody

For whosoever hath, to him shall be given;

and whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken even that which he seemeth to have.

HOLY GOSPEL OF LUKE (VIII, 18)

Sasuke chewed on food and it felt like styrofoam to him. It was worth eating at least because he hadn't eaten anything in a day. And if in the evening he goes to a nightclub (and he goes), if he drinks (and he drinks) then he should put something in the stomach so as not to vomit. Therefore, although there wasn’t even the slightest desire to eat he did it anyway with a simple practical approach.

Why did he agree?

This decision began to seem stupid only now. Nothing happened, right? That's just... yes it happened. The problem of perception, of course, but Sasuke was a little more normal and therefore, perceiving this naturally wasn’t a simple mission to him.

It would be difficult to make eye contact. It would be difficult to laugh. It would even be difficult to speak. But he couldn’t stay home.

Why? God knows... just couldn’t.

What awaits him? Will it be a culmination of everything, everything they’ve been building for several years? So stupid?

Sasuke pushed back his plate finishing his hot tea.

He'll go anyway. He knew this from the moment he gave the first refusal and he knows it now looking in the mirror at his own reflection. Maybe he should sent it all to hell. And tell him. This could always be written off as another unfunny joke.

“Have you ever thought that I could be serious?” Sasuke asked his reflection and smiled bitterly. That’s too blurry, “I love you.”

He loves too. This is not enough.

“Why are you... Why aren't you mine?”

That's funny. He looks pathetic and stupid. Who needs these declarations?

This time Sasuke dried his hair thoroughly separating each strand of hair with gel. This hairstyle suited him well. It was a little cheeky but definitely beautiful. Perhaps it will be shamelessly ruined today... It's even scary to think what will happen today. If it will of course.

On the one hand, Sasuke was afraid of something serious, on the other, he was afraid that Itachi would not attach any importance to what had happened. Like, who cares – he did cum in his hands; he is not the first and clearly not the last. This way anything that might or might not have happened could become a cause for panic.

A black shirt, the top three buttons of which were not fastened in principle, light jeans which, to tell the truth, were already too small but looked beautiful from the back.

It never took Sasuke much to look good. He was well aware of the impression he made. But does it matter if it was working on wrong people? The object of his most passionate desires was a man who does not care how he looks, how he behaves, what he says, what he loves. How to make him like Sasuke? How?

That’s hard. Sasuke tucked his wallet into the back pocket of his jeans, put a leather jacket over his shoulders and left the house. Naruto shouted something after him, about the keys and late return, but he was unlikely to return at night. Not this time. Not on the nights when he's with Itachi.

Brother's apartment was opened again. However, everything looked different inside. It seems that the housekeeper managed to bring chic and shine here. Sasuke carefully removed the jacket from his shoulders, hung it on a wing of the angelic child and went further into the apartment. The living room was empty and there was no one in the bedroom either. When only the kitchen remained to check Sasuke suddenly ran into his brother. He slowly got out of the shower wrapping himself in a towel.

“ _It's already seven. You're being late,”_ Sasuke folded his arms across his chest examining the physical characteristics of his brother as he was carefully drying his hair.

“ _I think there’s nothing to do in there before eight.”_ He shrugged, _“Tea? Whiskey? Me?”_

_“I had enough of you; I drank tea at home and it’s too early for whiskey. But thanks for the hospitality anyway.”_

“ _I can be enough? What a sad news,”_ Itachi was almost genuinely upset as he walked into the kitchen. He was interested in a cup of coffee - something Sasuke never drank in principle.

_“For today, the limit is completely exhausted.”_

“ _Who said?”_

_“A victim of your dirty harassment.”_

_“Fair enough.”_

_"Have you skipped the evening service again?"_

_“Oh, I went there only because of the celebration. They've been praying for me and wasting wax for a week now. I’m not as sick as they think but also not as healthy as I would like to be. And they’ll probably redeploy me. Perhaps I’ll be the head at the new church. Not to say that I am happy too much but this way no one will stop me when I once again take additional earnings on the side. Control is, in principle, a pleasant thing. Lord, when I turn damn thirty-five already.”_

Sasuke took his favorite spot on a windowsill as he watched his older brother make himself coffee. He looked good from the back too. His body is truly a masterpiece of genetics and work on himself. Especially now, when water droplets torn from the hair were sliding down the spine. One could make a photograph and use the footage for very dirty purposes. And mostly at night.

_“Well, you understand that while you’re young you are also more attractive?”_

_“Oh, I promise, by my forty you’ll want me no less. Like everyone else who care not only about a collar,”_ the taunt was annoying and Sasuke clenched his teeth so as not to change his face, _“Once at the prefectural meeting someone mentioned that I am so - I quote – ‘honest and beautiful in personifying what should become the idea of_ __ _a young mind’ that they would consider giving me the rank when I’m thirty. Lord, which one of them laid eyes on me is a big question.”_

“ _And how much is done through the bed?”_ Sasuke raised his eyebrows.

_“And what do you think? I would say a little less than in show business, but I'm not sure that in such things it is possible to compete in general. People raised on laws and regulations are beasts. They want what cannot be obtained so easily, what is worthy of their singularity. It’s true that the most of them are professionals at hiding things. But definitely, the patriarch keeps his close and special clergy for a reason.”_

_“Isn't it the time for him to peg out already? This is disgusting,”_ Sasuke grimaced but received only a grin in return.

_“You think? As for me it’s better than molestation. Heard how many people were jailed for child abuse last year? I am delighted with that case. Although I suspect a couple of other acquaintances of the same sin, it is not for me to get into this. I think it's hard not to notice this: children change a lot after violence even if ‘God wanted it so’ and therefore, if mothers don't rush to figure it out, why should I? By the way, the patriarch at least takes those who propose themselves. If the rumors are true, there are many offers.”_

_“Would you sleep with him?”_

_“What for? The bishop is my absolute limit - I will not go further. They are already trying to compromise me on the darkweb and I am no significant figure. Can you imagine how carefully I’ll have to watch myself further? I may even have to give up hanging out outside my apartment. And this is regrettably, you know.”_

_“What will you do if your games are revealed? This question has bothered me ever since you went to the seminary. What will parents say? Where will you go? How are you going to live with this?”_

Itachi took a sip, stretched his shoulder smoothly and hovered for a moment peering into a plate of chocolate chip cookies.

_“I think the answer is easier than you would like to hear. My games won't be revealed. That is where we will finish.”_

_“You are very confident in yourself. I understand that you are careful, you hide your tracks and you choose people. But do you even notice that sometimes not everything depends on you? I could…”_ Sasuke took a deep breath regretting that he had started this topic, “ _I could set you up today. By chance.”_

 _“You couldn't,”_ Itachi smiled _. “First, everything was under control. Secondly, I know better what would have happened even if you moaned my name aloud. Nothing. That's what God wants, remember? They are stupid and led. Who will run to complain? Would you run? Thirdly, I am even more confident in you than in myself. As you can see, not in vain. You've always upholded the trust, why should I doubt now? And you did it brilliantly. I laughed louder than you...”_

_“Yeah I understood. Thanks. But it's still stupid. Reckless and ridiculous. Do not do that again. With no one.”_

_“Yes, I did not plan this, however... is it jealousy?”_

_“Naturally. I will find and cut in slices anyone suspicious. And you don't want your silly little brother to stain his hands with blood because of an unreasonable feeling of childish jealousy, right?”_

Itachi clearly had some kind of answer or maybe even answers in his brilliant head but trying to choose the sharpest one he got so lost that he didn't answer at all.

 _“You look great,”_ he remarked, sipped some more coffee and headed out of the kitchen.

He hooked on a towel as he walked on and threw it to the face of poor angel in the hallway. Because it was planned, perhaps. Is this normal at all?

Well, let's walk here completely naked; who’s to be ashamed of, really?

Sasuke rolled his eyes and looked down at a small street. Itachi lived on the first floor in a nice neighborhood. The apartment belonged to him. The car too. He has already achieved everything that the average resident of any developed country would want by the end of life. He made money on prayers... awesome.

Itachi returned already dressed. White trousers, white jumper with a huge neckline revealing his collarbones. Contrasting jewelry on the arms and neck emitted the shine of obviously not cheap stones. While the knick-knacks looked simple, Sasuke was pretty sure that they actually costed a fortune.

The elder Uchiha deftly worked with a comb putting his wet hair in order. No self-pity.

 _“Promise me that today you’ll have fun without drugs otherwise I'm going home right now,”_ Sasuke gently put his fingers on his brother's hand, carefully taking the comb from him.

 _“As you say_ ,” he answered without resisting. Sasuke combed his hair easily, dexterously and painlessly.

_“I’m studying tomorrow, so we'll be back... let's say, before two. But this is the extreme limit. If we drink, and I assume we will, why don't we take a taxi? I know how you drive when you're not sober. And the last thing…”_

_“Lord, what else?”_

_“If you are leaving with someone then be kind...”_

_“Not today. Kitsu will give me one thing back, then I want to see the program, and so be it, I’ll tell you, I need a guarantee that I will be at home before the morning. You alone can make it. However, for the sake of your plans I can retreat. So if you decide to leave with someone, my apartment is completely at your disposal: I will give you the key and will not disturb you until the morning. I hope that's it?”_

_“Who is Kitsu?”_ Sasuke made a displeased expression.

Itachi finished his coffee and opened an app on his phone to call the car.

_“Evening organizer. Close friend.”_

_“How close?”_

_“Not closer than you, sun. There is no need to cut anyone in slices.”_

This was the end of the fascinating conversation. The car was there soon, but they didn't avoided traffic jams anyway. Sasuke spent all the way with his headphones and sometimes catching the movements of his older brother with the corner of his eye. He was texting with someone, constantly grinned, sometimes even aloud, and sometimes answered the driver's remarks advising a shorter way.

He was wearing nail polish. It's stupid but this way his fingers always looked even more sophisticated. Some pornographic thoughts flashed before Sasuke's eyes and he looked away with difficulty.

After the confessional a simple car seemed such a trivial place for entertainment, however, Sasuke took time to think about this too. How difficult it is to be around him, especially now. Sasuke was sitting pretty close, he could smell the perfume and hair shampoo. The aroma was soft but slightly bitter. The earpiece flew out of his ear and Sasuke turned around. Itachi handed him a pass card.

" _Promptly,"_ Sasuke smiled accepting the gift. It depicted a half-naked female body covered with black harness. The card was made in dark colors, on one side there was a four-digit number and the other represented rules of use and all the benefits it could provide.

_“Themed evening?”_

_“Not really, although I wouldn't be surprised if something like that happens. Kitsu's little weakness. They tried to attract me to all this, but I am too gentle.”_

_“I’m sorry? Gentle? And?..”_ Sasuke ran his finger up and down in the air several times _._

_“Oh no. Active. Yet I seem to have a lack of natural sadism. I’m probably enough to play around but in the end I’m not able to complete the matter. And for a passive role, you need to have certain inclinations that I never had. But you might like...”_

_“Inclinations? What the hell?”_ It slowly began to annoy _._

Itachi smiled innocently, looking into Sasuke's honest eyes. Is it not obvious enough?

 _“You know, it's not necessarily about pain_.”

_“I understand, but what do I have to do with it?”_

_“So you want to you say that you don’t like to break under the influence of someone else's will? I noticed long ago that you have a particular weakness for an imperious tone.”_

_"Stupidity,"_ Sasuke muttered, forgetting to take a breath. Everything inside shook shallowly and he turned away hoping that there was not enough light to illuminate his face, which was a little hot.

_“If it bothers you so much, we can close this topic.”_

_“It does not bother me. It's just a nonsense. Nothing like that. And Kitsu... Well, he’s?..”_

_“She.”_

_“It's a girl?”_

_“Yes. And believe me, you will not find a more cruel master. She's very good in handling people, so I don't recommend you even try to get to know her. Because the desire may be. The element of her games is often blood that should hold you back a little.”_

_“Blood?”_ Sasuke asked thinking that his brother might have friends even more sick in the head that he himself is _._

_“Yes, sometimes injuries can bleed. The degree of masochism is different for all people, some like it. Why not? Kitsu once had a close relationship with a lady whose worldview was... rather specific. She punished herself like that in the name of His Holiness. And it gave her pleasure. I begged Kitsu to send her to me. But we never got to know each other. How I love people whose faith has such an unusual embodiment. Conversations with them always ends in conclude that they are right and there is always some kind of meaning totally incomprehensible for simple mortal.”_

The same old song. It was already dark outside when the car drove up to a small establishment, which silvery sign with a white neon outline read: "White thread".

Itachi is dressed appropriately, that’s even funny. Maybe it was some kind of tradition. However, considering how much this color suits him, it’s not surprising that he loves it so much.

Sasuke entered the hallway after his brother; the staircase went deep down, perhaps not even to the first floor of the basement. The walls looked a little creepy, painted with figures whose pale, elongated faces were disgustingly sharp. They all kissed each other, both women and men - touched hands, shoulders, and legs. Unlike similar images of the past, these were very anatomical but still there was little attraction in it.

Is it a passion? Interesting interpretation.

At the very bottom, there were two guards, who looked strictly according to the classic canon, and a girl in a flared leather dress. Pretty sweet, and it seems that even too young. She greeted the guests by opening doors for them after reading a card code. Probably, one could use the card for buying alcohol and escort services and then, the accumulated credits had to be paid. There is hardly any doubt or mistrust in such establishments. After all, as far as Sasuke understood, there were only extremely proven people.

The room was much darker than he expected. The only light source was a stage, which contained a table and several chairs. Soft music played.

It took a while for Sasuke to see some people who occupied sofas in a large distance from the stage. There was the second floor made like a mezzanine in an auditorium but much smaller.

It didn't looked like a nightclub Sasuke was wondering. He expected to hear loud music, to see many writhing bodies, and a mad bartender pouring hot absinthe on a bar counter.

There were not many people, Sasuke counted twenty at most. They took their places - beautiful velvet sofas around small tables on which glasses of wine glittered in the twilight.

“ _That was unexpected.”_

_“It will be noisy here at night. And now we’re waiting for the solemn part because it's still an event in the first place. Birthday, remember?”_

Sasuke felt a soft touch on his shoulder and turned sharply, as if it could be dangerous. Behind him stood a young lady who never removed her hand. Her fingers, wrapped in gloves of light-colored silk, neatly adjusted the collar of Sasuke’s shirt.

 _“And here is my unregistered guest,”_ She smiled and nodded, this short gesture was surprisingly similar to a bow.

 _"Good evening,"_ Sasuke tried to smile doing everything not to look worried.

On the second shoulder, he felt his brother's hand and then his chin.

“ _Nope,”_ Itachi said slowly.

Sasuke glanced from his brother to the girl and back. It really looked like they had known each other for years.

The girl was twenty centimeters shorter than Itachi but at the same time she still looked down at him, at least it felt so.

 _“So this is Kitsu?”_ Sasuke asked looking at his brother.

Seriously? He certainly wouldn't have thought of it. After the description his brother gave, he was thinking about a tall, powerful woman who would be covered with leather and latex. A representation of a poisonous mixture of sadism and arrogance. But he saw a girl, hardly older than himself, in a light white dress that covered her arms and neck. Light curly hair was carefully gathered into a fragile hairstyle. No heels, no sophistication in cosmetics, no jewelry - nothing at all.

Is this what "top" ladies look like?

 _"Kitsuna-sama,"_ Itachi corrected, _“You shouldn't shorten names of such an important personalities.”_

“ _Kitsu_ ,” the girl nodded, “ _Your brother’s jokes are becoming less and less attractive_.”

" _I apologize anyway_ ," Sasuke recovered, " _I'm just surprised._ _Not that there was anything wrong. Itachi was talking about you a moment ago and I caught a little dissonance. Didn't expect you to be so attractive and... well, yes.”_

" _Don't,"_ Itachi repeated, “ _Seriously, Sasuke, don't.”_

 _“Maybe you will shut up_?” Kitsu reacted immediately.

“ _Maybe I’ll shut you up_?” Sasuke proposed. The questions were asked at the same time and their semantic difference seemed to be amusing to Itachi.

 _“Why so rude? I speak for a good cause. I save youthful minds from your unhealthy influence. What is this garment for? Isn't it my privilege to wear white?”_ He said almost laughing.

“ _Stop dreaming,”_ the girl folded her arms over her chest and with just one mimic gesture (raised eyebrow) completely ruined the innocent image, “ _It's your privilege to wear black and your fucking thing… a collar.”_

" _I always knew this is its official name_ ," Sasuke agreed.

_“That was almost offensive”_

The girl held out her hand pointing to the one of tables on the first floor. It was close enough to the stage but remained in the shadows and seemed isolated.

 _“I suppose you’ll like the rum, yesterday we brought in a batch of Maximo. If you’ll behave like a good boy, I'll treat you,”_ She patted Itachi lightly on the cheek and then caught a glance at the new guests, _“Make yourself comfortable. Performances will begin in ten minutes. Program is approximately an hour long. And then you can try to ruin my evening.”_

 _“Will you please us with your presence there today?”_ Itachi looked on the stage.

 _“Of course,”_ she smiled at last and there was something dangerous in that smile _._

Sasuke stared after her, not knowing how to take his eyes off. She moved smoothly, extremely feminine for a girl in flat shoes.

_“It's like a passion for virgins. I'm not talking about those bastards who are afraid to screw up but about those who like to lead pure people into the world of debauchery.”_

“ _What?”_ Sasuke was finally able to take his mind off her frail figure and look his brother in the eye.

_“She loves gentle and tame creatures who agree to games with the devil, and then, in horror, realize that this is an addiction. You are one of those, in fact. But, perhaps, out of a childish feeling of possessiveness, I do not want to give you to someone who will break you so much. It is difficult to exist in such a relationship, but having experienced it once, you can hardly cope without it. I'm motivated by a simple logic... like, why would I let you try hard drugs?”_

_"I'm not one of those,"_ Sasuke replied with a slight half smile. It might have seemed to him but... Why is he so anxious about Sasuke’s single compliment to this woman? This flattered his sick pride, long held back by conflicting feelings.

 _“Don't resist, just trust me. And she is polygamous. As far as I remember, a year ago she divorced because her husband decided that her needs were exaggerated and she did not need so many women and men. Only him,”_ Itachi sank on a soft sofa, Sasuke sat down next to him, _“She did not argue and only promised that she wouldn’t meet with anyone if he could satisfy all of her desires at once. The divorce date was set on the same day.”_

 _"That's a powerful argument,"_ Sasuke agreed, “ _But, in principle, you are not very different_.”

It was a mistake. He’ll be better remain silent. Foolish jealousy, senseless judgments… how to hide it now?

“ _What do you mean?”_

 _“How many people satisfy your needs?”_ Sasuke could just get off the topic but he continued as if nothing bad could come of it.

Itachi was puzzled and looked like he was actually trying to count. Has he ever seriously thought that he himself is not familiar with monogamy?

 _“It's different,”_ he finally concluded.

 _"Not really,"_ Sasuke objected, “ _It’s just that you were mistaken. Polygamy means falling in love with several people at the same time. Or not love but affection, an equal desire that manifests itself simultaneously. If she loved everyone, she would hardly let anyone go. Yet she refused everyone, including him, and pointedly made it clear that he was worth very little. I don't think these were serious feelings. It works the same way for you. You just don't love anyone - you use people who seems attractive to you. This is not polygamy but promiscuity.”_

 _“But I can be with one person and she cannot,”_ he replied seriously. More seriously than one might expect. Did that hurt him in some way?

_“How do you know? You both have no experience in this. Suddenly everything can turn out to be quite the opposite. What if she will give herself to a single person one day and you’ll always suffer from a lack of freedom? You do love to spread your wings. This would come as no surprise.”_

_“No. Sasuke, no.”_

_“You’ve got proofs?”_ Sasuke asked sarcastically, knowing that something like this never happened and never will.

In general, it would be terribly funny if his brother fell in love with some local church’s parishioner who would change his life completely. Nonsense... but it would be hilarious, indeed.

_“So you can't say the same about yourself. You weren't in love either.”_

_“I was. Unlike you, I'm no alien to simple human weaknesses. And yes, all my relationships, even the most frivolous ones, always had an essential condition. Faithfulness. It is familiar to me.”_

The hall was gradually filled with people. They were all different ages, dressed differently but quite simply, without any hints of the theme of today’s evening. It seemed strange. Sasuke looked at the girls in front of him and saw the simplest office workers, students, waitresses. Anyone but not fatal ladies, not sick perverts and hot beauties. It looked less and less like a club: if not for that neon sign and security, Sasuke would have thought it was some kind of mini-theater of contemporary art.

When he wanted to joke about this and turned to his brother, he found Itachi staring back at him closely, as if waiting for an answer. But he didn't ask anything, did he?

_“What?”_

_“When it was?”_

_“What are taking about?”_

_“How could I miss your crush? Who was that?”_

How interested he is. So much that he doesn't even press or ask unnecessary questions. He has this curiosity in his eyes, as if Sasuke has promised to reveal to him how the universe works.

Funny how he just blurted it out without thinking.

And funny that the answer was “it’s you actually”.

Now Sasuke will have to lie about something that never happened; this bastard smells a lie very well, like a trained bloodhound.

“ _Does it make any sense to discuss this? What do you want to hear? Name? Height? Weight? Age? It doesn't matter, I'm just a little more sentimental than you. No wonder.”_

 _“You must understand that you are obliged to lay out everything now; if you refuse, I'll extort it from you myself,”_ Itachi moved closer.

Once again, the images of the morning mess flashed before Sasuke’s eyes and he got this fathom feeling of lips on his skin. Hot. He's too close. Sasuke smells the perfume.

 _“There is no more trivial story than that. She would kick me off. I never told her anything. The girl had a low opinion of me. And yet I liked her,”_ thank God, nature gave him good imagination.

 _“You understand that it was stupid? Be silent, I mean. One your desire and you could have any woman, do you really doubt yourself?”_ Itachi's hand rested gently on younger brother's cheek, turning his head and forcing him to look into the eyes in front, _“You are educated, purposeful, brought up. The image is pretty good.”_

 _“Oh, why would I ever need someone if I have you?”_ Sasuke chuckled.

_“And if you’ll be a little more serious? Sasuke, feelings have to be fought. Even if you understand that this is not the one who you need, if she is not what you would like to have forever... if you feel something, it makes sense to go all the way till the end.”_

_“What for?”_ for the first time, Sasuke felt like he had changed places with his brother. This question has always belonged to Itachi.

_“Because falling in love is one of the reasons to live. One of the rare pleasures that is not available to anyone anytime. You will not replace it with anything else. Did you simply have no guts to tell her?”_

_"You're too close,"_ Sasuke complained, but his words were not taken seriously, _“If I knew it was pointless? I knew that nothing would come of it.”_

_“How did you know that? You’ve never heard her answer.”_

The light on the stage changed dramatically from soft white to bright red. Itachi turned his gaze there and Sasuke kept staring ahead, not ready to believe in what he had just heard. Can a person with such values, with such a way of life really believe in love? Moreover, to value it so highly?

And how does he usually react to declarations? Were there any?

Doesn’t matter. It's still the special case. Sasuke turned his gaze to the stage where five people in tight leather costumes sat at the table; they had gloves and strange headscarves that were hiding their heads, everywhere except for faces behind Venetian masks.

The music creaked. These were some kind of gothic circus motifs created on unrecognizable instruments. It was creepy a little yet the specificity was attractive rather than repulsive. The movements of the figures were sharp and pointed, with this accompaniment it seemed that their hands were simply breaking without a crunch.

Sasuke was chilled to the bone. He really felt like he was in the theater and all he planned for this evening began to seem somehow vague and childish. What was this if not an art? And if it was, what was it doing here?

Sasuke turned his gaze back to his brother, who was looking at the scene with a kind of tenderness. He liked it. Is this what the program would look like?

A waitress walked by, she maneuvered between the tables not to cover anyone's view of the stage. It was not too difficult considering that there were only seven tables on the first floor. People there were sitting in small groups of three or four. They constantly whispered and sometimes laughed but everything was done silently. On the second floor, someone was standing at the very fence, almost hanging from the railing. Sasuke saw the neon lights of a bar behind this man.

What kind of place is this?

The figure on the stage sank down on all four limbs, terribly bent its back and immediately overturned, pressing its shoulder blades to the floor, raising the central point of the body as high as possible, touching the stage with its toes.

She is in pain.

At some point, Sasuke wanted to laugh at the fact that his sick imagination is trying to find some kind of story in these chaotic movements. These people are not characters, they are figures that can still show something but at the same time, they were part of one organism. Sick, desperate to live, unable to cope with temptations, but trying to resist itself.

A very strange performance. The lack of facial expressions, the difference in their build and clothing played a role. They really seemed to be one.

The music became louder, drawing out tremulous, disturbing notes that creaked with greater intensity. Hands of the people on stage intertwined, slid off each other’s’ bodies. At one moment, together with this strange music, they suddenly lost their plasticity at once crushing the whole structure of the performance.

The show ended just as suddenly as it began: they just crawled into the corners of the stage and then the light took on a white glow again.

 _“It was something new,”_ commented Itachi.

" _It's beautiful,_ " Sasuke looked around the whole place once more. Now one could believe that there were more than seventy people here. However, it still seemed that it was very little. He is not used to seeing empty seats at the bar; he is used to the fact that if the club is open, then it is full.

Sasuke just now found glasses with some ink-like liquid on the table. Oh yes, the waitress. She probably left something while he stared at the stage in fascination. If Itachi hadn't reached for his drink, Sasuke would hardly have seen it at all.

“ _Is it generally eatable?”_ asked Sasuke while looking into the glass. The surface was covered with a membrane that remotely resembled mercury.

Itachi put down his tubule and took a short sip considering it unnecessary to answer such questions. Of course, it was unlikely that he felt offended for brother’s words about his friend’s establishment but Sasuke himself thought that the question was rude.

The drink was on the verge between spicy and sour, devilishly tart but amazingly tasty. Probably, the percentage here is no more than in a light beer. He began to like the place more and more. Perhaps the evening will not be as difficult to survive, as it seemed to him during the day when he tormented himself with doubts.

The music played again. No, this is really a theater, not a club. On the stage appeared women with painted bodies, tied in corsets of dark leather, their hands were braided with chains that dug tightly into skin. They were all different and beautiful. Redheads, blondes, brunettes, with curls, and with short hair – all completely different from each other.

They danced twisting their arms, bending in half, suddenly falling on the floor and then rising again. The curves of thin bodies were mesmerizing in the dazzling blue neon light.

Probably, Itachi should have said right away that Sasuke is being dragged out to a concert and not to a bender.

There were about five more shows, each had it’s own energy and gave birth to the feeling that cannot be found on a usual concert stage.

It the last performance Kitsu sang. And her voice was unrecognizable: low, with a growling vibration. The language was unfamiliar to Sasuke, but he was almost certain that it was something personal. There were all the same girls near her feet. She gently touched their bare shoulders, slipped her fingers through their hair, rigidly pulling back the heads of the submissive ladies, who, obeying, looked as if they were receiving their portion of love and affection.

Sasuke couldn't shake off the association with some Burlesque stuff. But he liked it here and would probably come back once more if he had such an opportunity. But this should be negotiated with Itachi... although why would he need Itachi?

When the scene finally emptied, Sasuke announced that he want to look around. People were descending to the first floor. The light faded and neon lasers cut the darkness of the small club.

Sasuke went up trying not to walk too fast. Here, behind tables similar to those on the first floor, he saw a large bar, where the bartender was already pouring drinks, not forgetting to show off in front of the guests.

Kitsu sat by the bar, listening to a man who could hardly be called young. The show was spectacular; and this man was clearly delighted, no less than Sasuke himself.

Noticing the youngest Uchicha, Kitsu waved her hand at him, and he, feeling a slight neurosis, came closer. Kitsu immediately handed him the glass of amber liquid.

“ _And this is Sasuke, my new guest. Itachi brought him in. He always spoils me with interesting people. Sasuke, please meet Hidan, my close and loyal friend for over ten years.”_

Sasuke took a seat next to him, nodding to the man, who, however, did not react properly to the greeting and hastened to leave under the pretext of having some great things to do.

_“How do you like our modest program?”_

_“If someone here is modest, then it is you, Kitsuna-sama.”_

“ _Kitsu”_

_“Yes, that's right, Kitsu. I am impressed. Didn't expect to see something like that. Itachi didn’t tell me anything about the show so I was expecting the usual drunkenness and a crowd of nearly unconscious bodies.”_

_“So in the end it will be,”_ Kitsu said a little disappointedly, _“This is what people mean by relaxation - alcohol and dancing. Even those for whom you can’t tell. But I am pleased that you found the author's part of the evening the best.”_

_“Actually… I didn't want to go. I don't like spending evenings with my brother; he can be too... intrusive.”_

_“Itachi rarely visits my place. The faces are all familiar - he gets tired of this. He complained that I have excellent entertainment rooms but I don’t allow him to use them to the fullest. But I don't like open evenings. People break something, steal, spoil things. In the city, I have three bars and another large establishment and I’m getting tired of dealing with the problems that happen there every two minutes. This is where I rest.”_

Kitsu reached over to her little bag and pulled out a silver purse. Inside there were business cards, at least so it seemed, but she handed him a card similar to the one he received from Itachi.

_“I have rules that must be followed. First, I do not provide plus one. Never. Each guest must be negotiated individually. We are new to each other, so at first I will not approve any guests from your side. Damage to property will have to be paid in full. If there will be fights, quarrels, or indecent behavior we will never see each other again. I deeply respect and truly love Itachi so I want to believe that I will have an equally pleasant relationship with you.”_

“ _So it was obvious that I came to ask permission to come here again?”_

_“Actually yes.”_

Sasuke took the card from her hands, examining the VIP symbols on it.

“ _It was too easy.”_

“ _You're not a man from the street. Sometimes, perhaps, I will ask for favors… and I'm used to being given them. Do not disappoint me.”_

Sasuke was devilishly flattered; he carefully hid the card and tasted the drink. It was pretty good and he unwittingly became curious how much this pleasure will actually cost him.

_“How is he?”_

Sasuke didn't immediately understand the question, but it was obvious who she was talking about. Itachi? And what happened to him? Ah, well, yes, he is terribly ill and cannot even work.

_“He's getting better.”_

Kitsu put down her glass and leaned closer enough so that Sasuke was able to see the mascara on her eyelashes.

_“Sasuke… He needs care now more than ever. He does not allow you to get into his life or into his head but you’re the one who have this access, right?_

That’s going to be a weird conversation. Sasuke nodded slowly, not knowing where this was going.

_“He's not himself, for quite some time now. When he first appeared here, he simply burned with energy, a desire to do something, to prove to the whole world what he is worth. Although even then he was afraid of everything that surrounds him. People, opinions, assessments. He's a lot weaker than he tries to appear, you know?”_

The youngest Uchiha felt uncomfortable. What the... She thinks that knows him well enough to tell Sasuke something he doesn't know? No, he knows everything, of course he knows. He must know.

_“He has a difficult work; it puts pressure on him every day. He doesn’t want anything anymore. But at thirty we all come to this. Only usually, people have a little more than he has. House? This is a brothel where there is no food, no loved ones, and no warmth. Family? I've heard a lot about your parents. And he has a rather strange relationship with you. But you represent more authority to him than anyone I have ever known or who he have ever mentioned. I have heard about you more than once, he mostly talks about how wonderful and independent you are. And when he’s drunk enough... so, in general, I have long wanted to ask you. Do you know how much he needs you?”_

Sasuke chuckled as he finished his glass and set it aside.

_“Yeah, I know. To take him home, wake him up, do something so that his illusion of a responsible man doesn’t fell in the eyes of people. And I also amuse him sometimes. Noble needs, aren't they?”_

Kitsu sighed in frustration and stroked Sasuke's arm.

_“His image is cracking. For the last couple of months he has been playing himself, but now it is obvious that he is acting badly. I don't know what happened, so do you. He will break, Sasuke. He needs support, an independent support.”_

Oh, just stop seeing him as a little poor victim of circumstance! He looked nothing like it this morning as he knelt in front of Sasuke crushing what was left of his pride and composure.

“ _He's bored. And that is all.”_

_“You yourself believe in it? It would be convenient to admit that. For everyone, including me. But personally, I can’t and how could you? You spend more time with him. Don't you notice? Yes, once he actually was the person who he is trying to appear now. But take a closer look at him. He really needs you. Sometimes he behaves strange...”_

“ _Sometimes?”_ Sasuke was trying not to laugh nervously.

_“...Just because no one explained to him that things can be done in a different way. Or it was explained incorrectly. He is rude not because he wants to offend, but because he doesn’t understand how this rudeness can hurt people. He is a special person, completely different, not like anyone else. That is why he is lonely and defenseless. Can you see this?”_

Why does she say it? Sasuke stopped his breath and counted to ten. The conversation goes off the track, somewhere where the landscape is no longer familiar to her.

Oh, she saw a beloved little brother who could help sort out problems of the fallen priest's soul?

And oh, she knows little, too little.

He had nothing to say. Spreading everything is not the most reasonable idea, however, without this information there is no point in continuing the dialogue. She quickly sensed a hitch, smiled softly and left him saying that she needed to find someone. Sasuke was grateful.

The conversation touched something inside of him and it left an unpleasant aftertaste. Maybe because Sasuke felt so blindly selfish for the first time. A friend with whom Itachi meets at times could see and feel everything that he never noticed behind the arrogance of those little smiles and toxic phrases. Could it be that with him, elder brother was simply more careful in hiding emotions? That he allowed other people to see more?

The trust.

Did Sasuke deserve it?

Yes, Itachi said today that he trusts him even more than he trusts himself, but how honest is this information? And how this trust is manifested?

No.

Sasuke didn't know.

No.

Have not seen.

No.

Did not notice.

And it chocked his throat making it difficult to breathe normally.

His brother was sleeping around, taking soft drugs, drinking, joking a lot, building the image of an immoral angel, and then slept with everyone again. Yes, Itachi and his personality is more than this. But this is no mask. This is also what he is. And he have always been like that. What did Kitsu see? What did she think of? What the hell is this cracking image she’s talking about?

Sasuke stepped away from the bar and leaned against solid rails of the balcony. Finding Itachi among the crowd on the first floor was easy - his clothes stood out. He was sitting at a different table, chatting with its owners: two young guys and a middle-aged woman.

The woman looked elite, like a person who wouldn’t dance when all the others move to the first floor saturated with the talents of a bartender. The guys would obviously be more active. Especially the one with adorable dark curls who was sitting closest to Itachi and obviously casted all those glances for a reason.

And what, Uchiha, your soul hurts?

Why would it?

There were already a couple of empty shots on the table in front of them. Itachi liked to drink aggressively. And he probably also preferred to love aggressively. This kid has all chances to find it out tonight.

Is he your type?

Young, fit, with a charming smile from ear to ear. Everything shines with affability and innocence. Should be good enough for catholic priest’s breakfast.

But what makes you different from the others, kid? You must go home now.

Sasuke went downstairs, walked around a table to get behind all this company and hugged his brother tightly by the shoulders rolling over the back of the sofa.

 _“Are you still alive?”_ Itachi was genuinely surprised, “ _This is my companion for the evening. And maybe for the rest of my life. He is embarrassed when there are many new faces around and therefore can act a bit stupidly.”_

“ _Serious relationship?”_ the curly boy specified.

“ _More serious than you can imagine. Where is my ring, dear?”_ Sasuke allowed himself an almost nasty grin and jumped over the sofa’s back taking a seat between his brother and the boy.

_“So you will accept jewels? I can switch to them if it saves me from the headache of listening to your stories about...”_

_“Kitsu said that you consider me independent. Is that true? Because if it is, I will be happier than any owner of all the gifts you can give. Just tell me that I'm doing great already. Is it really that hard?”_

“ _No, you are a youngster who has no idea what he’s wasting his precious time on,”_ Itachi objected, _“By the way, please meet my friends. Dien, Yuko, Sataro. I once told you about Yuko: she bought out those ruins that they had been trying to restore for years, but not a single project was approved. Everyone cursed her and now she has a cottage there.”_

“ _I don’t remember,”_ Sasuke admitted honestly, “ _But it sounds cool. If I become rich, I will also look for an original place. But I won't get rich. It just happened so that God does not love me.”_

“ _God loves everyone_ ,” the curly-haired boy smiled.

" _You tell him that,"_ Sasuke pointed at his brother, _“Itachi-san, does God love everyone?_ ”

_“In theory, yes. Everyone except suicides.”_

“ _Is that why you give people your love so passionately? That’s just something your holy superiors want? Phew, how it must be tiring.”_

There was a pause for a second, everyone was somewhat confused by the guy's sudden appearance and the speeches he was giving. However, the silence was interrupted by the resonant laughter of the woman; she was even more amused by the young man's expression than by his words.

 _“Did you drink?”_ Itachi asked.

_“Less than you.”_

“ _I'll go find Alicia,”_ finally the boy, who seemed to feel all Sasuke’s dissatisfaction, decided to leave.

Understandable decision, who wouldn't feel it?

Itachi reached for another shot, but Sasuke intercepted it earlier.

" _This is the fifth,"_ Itachi warned. Just in case.

 _“And how much do you need?”_ Sasuke raised an eyebrow, _“Can I ask you to do it slowly?”_

_“To do what?”_

_“When you throw out the obvious context, it sounds devilishly vulgar. Get drunk, sun, get drunk. Because if you do it quickly... Damn. In general, it doesn't matter.”_

Sasuke drained the contents of the glass in one gulp and only then gave it to his brother. Is this the very rum that Kitsu advised? His throat burned, but Sasuke did not allow himself to show that the drink was stronger than he expected.

" _Slow means slow,"_ Itachi agreed, bending down to steal a pathetic kiss from his brother's lips. But Sasuke turned away avoiding touch.

“ _And Dien believed that you are lovers,”_ the second youth grinned.

“ _Who said no?”_ Sasuke smiled turning head to his interlocutor.

_“Well, for example, Itachi himself, when he said half an hour ago that he had arrived with his brother.”_

_“And one interferes with another? Tell us, Holy Father.”_

Itachi still couldn't help smiling, although, to be honest, he was at least surprised. This behavior was not typical of Sasuke. Of sober Sasuke, at least. And what’s more interesting, even if his brother wanted to, he wouldn't have had time to get drunk.

However, he looked like he was at least trying to do that is the past half an hour.

 _“No,”_ Itachi admitted, _“It doesn't.”_

_“Wow, how uncomfortable it turned out. However, everything is much simpler. This bastard has already laid eyes on your friend, although he himself asked to make sure that this evening will be exclusively cultural. And I'm bad at improvising.”_

_“So you?..”_

“ _No,”_ Sasuke chuckled “ _We are just very close relatives with a specific sense of humor. And if he tries to kiss me, it'll be a joke. Honestly.”_

Itachi got up, grabbed his brother's arm under the elbow and yanked him off the spot.

 _"It was nice to meet you_ ," was all that Sasuke managed to say before he was dragged away. The hallways in the club were quite long: one led to a wardrobe but it was closed since the season was too warm for outerwear, and the second lead to restrooms.

Sasuke found himself caught in one of these hallways.

“What are you doing?” Itachi asked letting go of brother’s hand.

 _“What am I doing? I'm trying to communicate. You rightly noticed: new people influence me badly. I'm talking nonsense, but it seems like no one really... Ouch!”_ Sasuke winced as he felt how Itachi's fingers tightened in his hair. An education part, yeah, _“Have I offended someone? Maybe you? Maybe with the fact that another sweet child escaped your hands? You kindly asked me to do it yourself, no?”_

_“Have you talked to Kitsu?”_

“ _Yes a little. I asked for a pass, I liked it here. She said that you’re sweetheart. And that’s it.”_

_“Sweetheart?”_

_“Or something like that... well, there was also a lecture about old friendships, boundless trust and you know… all the other delights of such relationships.”_

Itachi's face changed slightly. As if he expected to hear something else... about those cracks? Oh, hardly. Then what? What happened to his face?

His hand weakened and the pain receded.

_“Be so kind, behave yourself with dignity. If you have already taken the pass, you will see these people more than once.”_

Itachi stepped back and was probably about to leave when Sasuke caught his arm.

But he didn't say anything, he just looked into his eyes, as if he himself was expecting some question.

_“What?”_

_“Are you all right?”_ the younger asked, not understanding what exactly in Kitsu's words was real to him, _“It seems to me that lately you are a little not yourself.”_

_“I'm not very healthy.”_

_“No… I don't mean that.”_

_“What then?”_ Itachi took a step forward, “ _What caused your concern? Did I say something? Maybe I did something wrong?”_

Itachi leaned his palm against the wall, looking into the eyes of his brother, who felt very small and insignificant. Oh, he shouldn’t have asked this question, he really would be better shut the fuck up.

“ _Or maybe someone told you something? For example, one very annoying blonde who knows less than she thinks.”_

Sasuke shook his head in denial. He has accepted a position and he will not surrender it so easily.

_"What seemed to you, Sasuke?"_

He hesitated. He didn't know the answer. He hadn’t seen what he was talking about, but now it seemed to him that he was close. Itachi reacts strangely to his words. It is not that simple. Was there something really tormenting him?

Resentment? Conscience? Boredom?

What?

Sasuke took a short step forward, pressing his lips to Itachi’s. Easy, with no intention of turning it into something vulgar.

 _“It seems to me,”_ he whispered quietly, not stepping back more than a couple of centimeters, _“That everything is more difficult for you than you are trying to show. And it is sad. Because a couple of hours ago you were telling me that you trust me. And now it seems that all that is between us are clumsy jokes and little labels with a word family on them.”_

Itachi touched his forehead to Sasuke's and exhaled slowly.

_“So this is how you see our relationship? You are one of the most dear to me people, and you dare to doubt the sincerity of my feelings? I'm fine, it's just that at times I'm not very stable. All people tend to get tired but there is nothing in this that deserves such attention. Kitsu is not a psychologist and you don't have to trust her intuition. You know me so much better, so why you doubt your own observations?”_

_“And what does Kitsu think? Why do you dislike those conclusions if you don’t think that they are correct? Let her think what she wants, why react like that?”_

_“I don’t react in any way,”_ Itachi hissed, and there was something extremely heavy and displeased in his voice.

_“Just promise me that I will not stay away if you really feel bad.”_

_“You won't. I want to drink... right now. Let's go.”_

Itachi caught his brother's arm again, dragging him to the second floor.

Well, maybe there will be problems later: Sasuke will hardly be able to show up for class tomorrow. And well, let it be. Their duet quickly became diluted with people he did not know, but Itachi knew them all, so he was happy to tell something, joke, and sometimes even flirt a little. The curly-haired boy came into view again, but Sasuke didn't do or say anything.

He knew for sure that something was wrong and Itachi would not discuss it with him anymore.

Kitsu is right; he is trying to appear stronger and more independent than he really is.

People were dancing. It's okay for a nightclub, but Sasuke persisted in thinking it wasn't normal for that place. Because these people were all somehow different, somehow special, in their dances there were more contacts, more feedback, touch and interaction. A very specific place. Itachi was quickly dragged downstairs, and although he clearly did not like dancing, he happily kept the boy company.

Stupid child. He can't help but like Itachi - it's natural, but he should turn his head on at least a little and really assess the chances of owning such a person. It’s so in vain.

Probably, Sasuke overestimated his powers when he said that he was paying for himself: he had drunk a lot and alcohol here is clearly not cheap. His head was spinning gently, something inside constantly pushed him to adventures. To a kind of actions he would be a little ashamed by the morning… but life is boring without such decisions. Sasuke met the girl, he didn't remember the name, he didn't remember anything at all, except for the feeling of her hands touching his cheeks.

He saw Kitsu, who was still sitting at the bar and talking with a young woman. And he had long lost sight of his brother. And the sense of time too.

Where did his lady go? He did not have time to realize who pushed him against the wall and what kind of place it was too. But the lips that touched his neck he recognized immediately.

 _“We are going home?”_ He asked through laughter. He was roughly turned around and pressed with his back to a horizontal surface; his lips were covered with a kiss that had a taste of a mint.

Oh, is that a cocktail? Itachi should know that it’s a bad tendency to lower the degree.

Sasuke placed his palms on his brother's cheeks, pushing him away. His face always flushes a little when he drinks a lot. Pale skin issues. He looked disheveled, even a little crumpled: the clothes were twisted, the jewelry had disappeared from his neck but this, apparently, did not bother him.

 _“I thought we agreed to take it slow?”_ Sasuke said, brushing wet strands from his face. It's really hot in here.

“ _In this life, I have nothing more valuable than you,”_ Itachi spoke quietly and freely. Jesus, yes, he was fucking drunk, “ _I will not survive if you abandon me, if you do not understand me, if someday you will go against me. Do you know how much you mean to me? You are my freedom, Sasuke. Just you and no one else. Ever.”_

Sasuke's smile disappeared and goose bumps crawled down his spine. Itachi didn’t finish there.

_“I understand everything, honestly. And I know how selfish and cruel it is but I can’t help myself. Why did you let me get used to you? Stupid... how stupid you are, Sasuke. Do you realize how awful my most harmless touch is? Have you ever realized this?”_

Sasuke looked down at the floor tiles feeling the burning urge to leave right now.

 _“Do you understand the value of what you are able to give me? Do you understand how much you’re breaking when encouraging my disgusting behavior? In me, in yourself, in the world around you,”_ his fingers gently lifted Sasuke's chin, but he refused to look in the eyes.

 _“Do you really think that you are not responsible for this? Is it only me who’s bearing all this guilt and fear? It should not be like that. Even for people like us, this is too much. You are repeating that these are jokes, jokes, jokes… but Sasuke, who's funny?”_ Itachi's lips gently touched Sasuke's temple, his tone was dropping even further, “ _Do you feel the same? I will never know the answer to this question. People kill, steal, rape, but who cares about the benefits? It’s only for an ecstasy, it’s to be aware of how much you can... Nobody and nothing will ever stop you. You are above everything that exists in this world. This thought is more intoxicating than drugs. Do you feel it? You can tell me. You can tell me everything, I can understand everything that your lips say. But only yours. What do you want? I'll do anything for you. Only for you.”_

" _I'm not your freedom,"_ Sasuke bit his lip, turning his head to his brother “ _I'm. Not. Your. Freedom_ ”

It’s hard. There is nothing to breathe. Now or never. It would have happened sooner or later. He chooses the mind over all.

“ _If this is not one of your games, then we will end it here. I'm not going to be a source of inspiration for you, I'm not going to feed your faith in your powers. I'm not going to be an object of your natural consumerism.”_

Itachi dropped his hand, looking worriedly at his younger brother, who this time didn’t know what he wanted more: screaming aloud or crying silently.

 _“You will find a person with whom it will be just as pleasant to build relationship as with me. I think there are many things in the world that will be harsher than incest. If this is the case, I wash my hands of you. It's a habit. I am not pleased with your actions; it’s crossing the border of absurdity. I'm not going to look for something serious here, I'm not going to take responsibility for what you come up with. Sin, Itachi. But sin alone.”_ Sasuke finished tartly, knowing what the last words meant to his brother.

He threw brother’s hand off his shoulder and walked out of the corridor… or was it a room, one of the very ones Kitsu was talking about? He did not have time to see.

His eyes burned, he was feeling too bad to think about such trifles.

Sasuke always knew all of this but never thought that hearing it aloud would be so painful.

He must be sick...

Unhealthy interest in prohibitions - ha, fuck that! At the entrance, no one stopped him, no one asked about anything, did not demand payment or cashing the card. Sasuke was silently released from his personal hell.

What time is it? What is this area?

What is the difference?

Sasuke walked quickly, hiding his hands in his pockets, swearing to himself, trying to choose the best tactics.

It is easier to give up everything you have than to take risks. Maybe it’s dumber, but much easier too.

So you won't survive it, right? Excellent! Delightful! 

Live as I live. Every day, every second.

Sasuke doubted that Itachi would ever be hurt as much as he had just hurt himself. When a person whom you love for so many years, whom you live for, to whom you forgive everything, speaks to your face about your… purpose.

You are my brother and therefore everything that happens is great, uh, what a bad boy I am. Since childhood, I have been doing everything differently. Could you please help me become a complete scumbag?

There was never anything sincere in this, except the desire to fucking show off in front of society. How could he even for a second assume that their feelings were similar?

The most amazing thing is that Sasuke always knew this but he never heard it from him... so directly, frankly, without trying to even slightly veil the shit he’s saying.

Sasuke is a stupid little brother.

Indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I can say here is that chapter 4 is worth waiting.  
> Feel free to leave comments and correct mistakes in text (I'll be grateful).


	4. Sincerity paradigm.

Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things,

which thou knowest not.

JEREMIAH (33, 3)

Sasuke reread the paragraph six times already, but he didn't understand a word. Sentences were too long, confusing and meaningless. Almost like his life but only worse. Nothing supernatural was required of him: just rewrite the text and understand what exactly he wrote, but even that turned out to be an overwhelming mission. Textbooks, pens, pieces of paper with notes, some kind of graphs and crumpled tests were scattered all around him over the bed.

The phone vibrated softly and Sasuke almost automatically switched it to silent mode and turned its display down. Whoever it is - not today. Just not today. And maybe not this week.

It's been three days since he escaped from the club like a fucking Cinderella and locked himself in his apartment ignoring literally anyone.

At first he told himself that he wouldn’t read the messages too, but realizing that sooner or later it would be necessary to do this, he forced himself to look at his phone at last.

Honestly, these were three very difficult days.

The decision made under the influence of alcohol and emotion was too radical, and now Sasuke simply had no idea what to do next. He studied a lot, passed an exam that had been in arrears since the last year, and was going to close another one. But the brain was melting, it was disobeying the owner. Sasuke was lost in Groundhog Day, his mind was returning to that evening, to the words that were said so easily and simply.

He felt how his throat was chocked with a thin wire of despair and read the sentence again, hoping to catch its essence this time. And not to think, please, that's all it takes - just not to think. Not seeing, not hearing, just disappear into somewhere, and that’s it.

Itachi called many times. More than twenty. Sasuke didn't count, so maybe there were more calls. It's hard to imagine… what he wants to talk about and what he thinks about what happened.

_13:22_

_“How long will you ignore me?”_

_14:01_

_“Sasuke answer the phone”_

_16:46_

_“You’re mocking me or what?”_

_16:47_

_“Why did you transfer all the money to parents? We agreed that you’d do it carefully. What's going on, Sasuke? What the heck?”_

_20:11_

_“It starts to get annoying”_

_9:10_

_“What do you want?”_

_11:53_

_“Are you alright?”_

_11:53_

_“Mother called, call her back at last, she's worried”_

_11:57_

_“Sasuke, I'm worried too. It’s great that you don't want to talk but just write that you are fine”_

_11:58_

_“I’m fine”_

_11:58_

_“And our codeword?”_

_16:45_

_“Sasuke, seriously, what a childish tantrum is that? Did I make you sad somehow? I don’t remember. I think I drank too much. If something is wrong, you just need to say about it and we’ll solve this problem”_

_18:13_

_“Sasuke?”_

_18:15_

_“Do I need to apologize? Okay, I'll do it. Pick up the damn phone and I'll say what you want to hear”_

_19:00_

_“Forgive me, I'm a terrible big brother, shalt be burn in hell for this. Just pick up the phone”_

_20:09_

_“Sasuke”_

The message that came yesterday was the last. Today he didn’t write a word and the calls didn’t seem to be from him but Sasuke didn’t risk to answer the phone. He called his mother and said that he had a lot to do, so there was nothing to worry about. No one else has any reason interrupt him when he’s studying.

Why Itachi’s so persistent is an interesting question. Usually he doesn’t care much. They often didn’t communicate for months and then Itachi asked to pick him up from somewhere. It always ended in about the same way: he fell asleep in the arms of Sasuke, already clean, in a made bed and very glad that everything is so wonderful and his ototo is such a sweetheart.

Once Sasuke pulled him out of a fight, and then treated his wounds the whole evening, constantly praying for him to finally calm down. The next morning Itachi didn't even remember who or why was he fighting with.

He behaves like a teen.

 _Weaker than he seems..._ The phrase almost slashed through the brain.

There’s a common sense in it. He’s pushing thirty and he’s still at the level of development of a teenager of about seventeen. No worries, no responsibility, just entertainment and eternal utopia, for which you have to pay only with few hours of boredom spent on church messes.

No, it sounds too pathetic to be true. Sasuke didn't want to admit it, but he was worried. Seriously worried. What if he doesn't know anything about his brother, at all? What if all this time he was devoured by inner problems while Sasuke was buying that nonsense about a riotous lifestyle? What if Itachi needs a real support more than ever yet all his little brother can do is laugh it off?

What if Itachi was doing this all simply because it was the only way to get his ototo's attention? So that he could be just a little closer? Maybe Itachi always knew about his brother's strange feelings and therefore decided to go through all of this...

Hardly, but thinking about it was unpleasant anyway, maybe even a little painful. It's like covering yourself in warm blanket on disgustingly hot day. Okay, Sasuke, come on, why not finish yourself off with all this nonsense?

The phone vibrated again. Sasuke sighed, put his notes aside, and turned the display. There was a message from an unknown number. Well, surprise me.

"T. City, S. district, block 17-22, house 76, apartment 12."

Sasuke raised his eyebrow, as he was looking at the phone, completely puzzled. It's... it's his address. Who is it? What the fuck? What's happening?

Is it Itachi? Well, who else could it be.

This is how he showed that he found out exactly where his younger brother lives, and now there’ll be a conversation after all? It seems that he needs to finally pick up the phone.

Sasuke exhaled slowly and closed his eyes. Then typed a short answer.

“Well done. But don’t you dare to show up here. I don’t want to see you".

There was a little hope in his soul that this would stop Itachi. In the end, he can simply left the door closed or go somewhere right now. Lord, he'll figure out what to do.

The phone vibrated again.

“It's a pity, because I want to. Come to my bar immediately, we have something to discuss. I haven’t sent him the address yet, but I’ll do it anyway because he asked, and I don’t have the habit of refusing friends for no reason. If you have something to say, I want to hear it."

Sasuke smiled. So it’s Kitsu, yeah?

He sadly glanced at the notes and shut his laptop. Not today, he couldn’t concentrate hard enough. All his studies, not to put too fine a point on it, gone to hell. Maybe he'll even have a drink today if he’ll remain in the “Thread” until the opening.

Itachi asked Kitsu to find his address. That’s almost flattering. At some point, Sasuke felt like he’s a total drama queen, who’s running from any responsibility and throwing a tantrum because of the little thing obvious to everyone. Little thing which has always been, and will continue to be.

But it was too late to turn back. He has already made it clear that it is important for him, that everything isn’t how it should be, and this needs to be somehow resolved by finding a compromise. Well, maybe not now… later.

Sasuke arrived to the place less than an hour later. There was no security this time, and the main hall was well lit. Near the stage sat a girl who had checked the cards last time. She wasn’t wearing the leather dress, only comfortable jeans and shirt. Nearby on the stage a huge toolbox was laying, with help of which she deftly assembled a new neon line of the stage. Reacting to the sound, she turned around and smiled at the guest, continuing to work with the screwdriver.

_“If you come to me, I'll be free in a couple of minutes.”_

“ _Last time I had the nerve to run away without paying,”_ Sasuke smiled, shifting the weight of his body from foot to toe, _“I had a little run-in with my brother and stormed off into the sunset. Is this the question we can solve together?”_

“ _Ah_ ,” the girl removed a strand of hair from her forehead, “ _You’re one of the Uchihas, right? The amount was covered, so this is not for me.”_

_“Happy to know that. Where can I find Kitsu?”_

“ _The sixth room is the one where the doors are closed. I think you will understand… hear it, actually”,_ \- the girl waved in the direction of the familiar corridor, and Sasuke, no longer finding anything to say, headed in the shown direction.

This corridor left too many memories: near this wall they were kissing, as Itachi was speaking of his behavior, and near that one Sasuke promised himself that this was the end of their idiotic game.

He really reacted to the noise. Rhythmic beats. The sound was unfamiliar, but Sasuke got an idea of what it was. Too dull for a lash, but it was something like that.

Sasuke approached the door, knocked briefly, and peered inside, pulling back the curtain covering the view. It was a so-called playroom yet without this intimate lighting. In the center stood the owner of the club herself. She was wearing simple jeans and a T-shirt, which was obviously too large for her; her hair was tied up at the back of her head, and therefore strands stuck out from everywhere falling on her face.

She nodded once and got back to her business. There were boxes and cellophane on the floor. On one side of the leather bed, in a row, were all possible things that exist to hurt, and the other side she used... instead of a person. She simply hit the leather upholstery with two powerful floggers over and over again.

“ _There's no way in hell I'm ordering anything from China again_ ,” the girl gasped. Sasuke had heard that this thing should be first beaten off properly before it touches a person's skin. Such an interesting working atmosphere they’ve got here.

Sasuke closed the door behind him and froze, moving his gaze slightly to the right. There was also a chair, which was occupied by one longhaired guest who clearly didn’t expect Sasuke's sudden appearance.

“ _Oh, come on,”_ the younger Uchiha moaned quietly and turned to the door, not intending to stay here any longer.

“ _Stay where you are!”_

The strikes stopped and the Uchiha realized that he had unconsciously obeyed woman’s voice. He touched the door with his hand, yet never opened it and looked at his white palm, not fully understanding what was preventing him from making this short movement.

“ _You’re not going anywhere until I tell you that you’re free. I would forgive you if you didn't come, but since you're here, you shut up and do what I tell you. Did I make myself clear?”_

" _The conditions were not like that,"_ Itachi said quietly and put down his cup of tea, finally looking at Kitsu.

“ _Conditions?”_ Sasuke turned around, glaring at his brother, “ _What the hell are the conditions? I said I’m fine. Or what, I have no right to spend some time without you? Just a couple of days! What the hell did you do?”_

" _Shut up_ ," Kitsu hissed and waved her hand towards the chair opposite her. The tails of the flogger whip flapped beautifully in the air in the direction of the hand, “ _Sit down_.”

If he left right away, maybe it would be easier, but he has already accepted some of the conditions - what's the point in resisting now? Sasuke sank into the chair, not taking his eyes off his brother.

 _“No matter how sad it is,”_ the blonde brushed hair from her face, “ _But he is right. Sorry, but he has the right to escape, so of all the possible options, I chose the most adequate one. I give you the opportunity to talk. You will say whatever you have to. You will listen and answer to each other, and then you can get out of here_.”

Sasuke frowned, but before he could ask again, Itachi laughed.

 _“I, of course, understand that this is your lovely desire to help, but you are greatly mistaken if you think that such an atmosphere is conducive to soulful conversations_.”

_“Half an hour ago you wanted to kill him, and now you call it soulful conversations? You are the one who foster a climate in here.”_

_“_ _This_ _will_ _not_ _work_ _.”_

_“No, Itachi, that's the only thing that will work. I'm tired of looking at your sour face and wondering what this time is eating you from the inside. I have a lot of guesses, but if you decided that I would just silently wait for you to be ready for a conversation with me, then you know me very little.”_

_"There will be no conversation because there is nothing to discuss,"_ Itachi's lip quivered noticeably.

“ _Oh, if that was any true… well, let's play without voluntariness? You will break anyway, Uchiha, as always.”_

_“Kitsu...”_

_“Does he confuse you? Oh, so it will be useful for him to hear everything from you personally. Can’t talk? Should I get a bottle? What is it, are you ashamed? Afraid to answer for your own words when sober? Come on!”_

Itachi was angry, it could be seen very well, although he still hadn't said anything that could demonstrate his true state. This lovely meeting will not end well.

Itachi glanced at Sasuke again, and this glance was such that the youngest wanted to go out even more. As if he’s a stranger here. Like he’s the reason Itachi’ll have to say something he doesn’t want, and keep silent about what he needs.

And then, apparently, Itachi’s lost his nerves. He wasn't going to listen to this nonsense any further and afforded himself to get up, but Kitsu waved her hand to stop him. However, she forgot about the device in her hand. One of the ends of the tail of the whip loudly lashed the guy in the face, and he, exhaling sharply, immediately put his hand to the place of impact, looking at his friend in bewilderment. All his anger vanished in a split second.

_“Sit still. Wait for your turn. And you, Sasuke! You’re rare fucker, and if you were my brother, I would not leave you without a decent punishment. Can you even pull your nose out of a cozy hole of yours and imagine for a second how it all looks like? You fucking disappear somewhere in the middle of the night, and then turn on such a drama queen that Hollywood can hardly find an actor more expressive. Well? What’s wrong with you?_

" _Enough,"_ Itachi said more calmly, he is clearly uncomfortable.

“ _No, not enough. I will teach you an amazing thing now. Your tongue is not only given to you to lap up alcohol and talk about your sorrows. And if you dare to throw a tantrum, then at least you should notify about the reasons for the conflict.”_

“ _I don’t_ …” Started Sasuke, already tired with all this scene.

“ _You have just appeared here and already made a claim! Oh, they don't let you be alone? Trust me, dear, if you said normally that you need time to be alone, no one would mind. But, of course, you need to defiantly ignore any attempts to get through to you, pretentiously counting the missed calls. Could you just tell what happened and what you need?”_

“ _Do I have to?”_

“ _And you think you don’t? Yes, I’m scared to imagine how many people I will need to notify if I decide to disappear for a couple of days to be alone. Well, maybe it's because I'm not that selfish scum and can think that someone’s worrying about me. And also – that’s an important moment - being alone after a conflict is a very crappy idea, especially if the conflict was with someone who cares for you. Turn off this suffering bitch inside and think about how irresponsible and stupid it is...”_

" _Kitsu, that's enough,"_ Itachi interrupted much lauder.

“ _And I'm curious,”_ Sasuke crossed his legs, “ _It’s just, as I understand it, that she draws conclusions from your words? I want to know what people think of me behind my back.”_

_“Sasuke...”_

“ _Lord, and I’ve tried to tell you something about your older brother. You don't know him at all.”_

But that was unpleasant. Sasuke felt a muscle twitch on his face, but he didn't think much of it. He couldn't smile and he couldn't be serious. It seems that something had already set him on fire; he wanted to shout aloud, argue, prove to her that everything was completely wrong, but he was silent. Because it was likely that she was right.

“ _You escaped before my eyes, and a few days later your brother asks me to find your address, because this is the only way to talk to you. Um, let me think, how could I conclude that you are a fucking selfish scum? Cause, after all, maybe something serious happened between you two and your behavior is completely justified, you had the right to such a reaction... Yes. Maybe. But what do I see? Phone calls tire you,”_ The girl began to defiantly bend her fingers, _“You are ready to bite, and all that you hate in this situation is that I tell you straight to your face that you are a bastard. Voila_ _!_ _We_ _did_ _it_ _without_ _Sherlock_ _.”_

Itachi covered his face with his palms, still silent.

“ _You should seriously think about your behavior, Sasuke. I don’t understand how anyone can hold on to a scumbag like you. But we are done with the youngest. The next one. Hysterical princess number two, who decided that I, like a fucking mafioso, will look for hiding people. Do you know that half of the problems can be solved by simply voicing them? Do you at least understand that nobody has an idea of what’s happenig in your head? It's kind of early for a midlife crisis, but you look like a depressed manager who is fucked every day by his boss, his wife, three children and a dog – and all in the brain. But, what is really funny here - you have no bosses, no wife, no children, no dog. So tell me, how should those around you understand what exactly is wrong with you, if your royal language is not for the ears of mere mortals? I've worried about you for so long, and you brush me off and then get drunk because, wow, life is such a complicated thing. Well that’s a fucking amazing discovery for... How old are you? Oh, well, not twenty, it's time to stop being surprised. You are no less a scumbag than your brother, and all that hell around you is all your doing._

Sasuke's tension changed somewhat. Why argue, if at first she was right, but this is clearly overstepping the boundaries. There’s nothing to talk about. Itachi all this time didn’t take his hands from his face, silently listening, and this was completely different from him.

“ _I know,”_ he finally whispered even more quietly.

“ _Well, maybe it's time to look for comfort not in bottles and drugs, but in what you really need? If, of course, the mama's son knows what, besides the nipple, he needs at all.”_

“ _Kitsu,”_ Sasuke gently tried to get into the conversation and immediately caught two glances on himself: a tough, burning one from the blonde, and a soft, but devilishly tired, from older brother.

_“I didn’t give you a word.”_

_“Are we here to talk_?” Sasuke asked, looking at her defiantly, _“I have to speak only when you give me permission? Does it seem to me, or it sounds not like a dialogue?”_

“ _Baby,”_ Kitsu gently ran her hand over his face. Her palm was hot and the leather of the flogger, which tails touched his hand weightlessly, were cold, “You’d speak i _f you had something to say. To him. Not me. See? Until then, shut up. I haven’t finished yet._ ”

Itachi didn’t hide his gaze anymore, but he didn’t look at the girl either, although she said a few more unpleasant things that were difficult even for the youngest to react to. All this time, Sasuke looked at his brother, as if trying to find in his eyes something different from what he heard.

_“I scolded Sasuke, but, believe me, he is still a darling comparing to the terrible example he had before his eyes all his life. Are you wondering what worries him? Have you ever told him that it gnaws at you? Have you ever tried to trust him so that he can trust you afterwards? Disgusting one-way sell and buy relationships are all you can do. And after that you’ll try to prove to me that this doesn’t work with everyone the same way? Well, so be it. But pay attention to what I am now telling you. With him. It works. Exactly. Like that.”_

_"I just don't want to continue this_ ," Sasuke said, not knowing how to hold that gaze for at least a couple of seconds. “I don’t have to, right? That’s all. I'm tired. If you need something, just say, just call, ask. But ... Without this all.”

Kitsu seemed to relax, she didn't interrupt again, she let him talk because there was finally something to say.

 _“Without what?”_ Itachi asked.

The question sounded low, with a kind of bitterness in it. Kitsu looked from one brother to another and folded her arms over her chest. Sasuke looked at the girl awkwardly, realizing that it would be difficult to speak openly in front of her. But she doesn't seem to be planning on leaving them alone.

Sasuke breathed in more air, and just after that, there was a knock on the door.

Between the heavy curtains, the head of that lovely lady appeared.

“ _Should I invite the master to check the pylons, or won't dance today?”_

Kitsu threw back her devices and walked out the door, leaving an oppressive silence behind her.

“ _Without what_?” ironically quoted Sasuke, “You’ve crossed the line, and you know where and when.”

 _“I know_ ,” without even a shadow of a smile answered Itachi.

_“And how should I’ve been behaving? Like it’s ok, very funny, let’s do that again and so on? And how much time would it take you after that to lay me on a bed?”_

_“I didn’t…”_

“ _I can’t answer ‘no’ to you. You know that, you understand it perfectly. There’s something in me that always stops me from saying it. So I’ll do it now: no, we are done, no more games. This isn’t any normal.”_

“ _Why?”_

_“Why the fuck it isn’t funny, or what?”_

_“Why you can’t answer ‘no’ to me?”_

Sasuke jerked his shoulder in irritation, like there was some rather obvious answer for this.

 _“So you don’t know? Why have you decided that I know it, then? Sasuke… do not disappear. If you want to play in a normal family – fine, that’s how it will be_ ,” For some reason the youngest was becoming more and more nervous because of how calm Itachi’s voice was. It was very rare situation, when his elder brother was so serious, attentive, and ready for a serious dialogue. They should come to a compromise now, otherwise they both will loose too much.

_“I don’t want to play…”_

“ _But I can’t make it in a different way.”_

Kitsu etched in both of them the ability to joke and play, pushing on something personal.

Itachi should stop talking like that. It’s a hundred times more oppressive than if he’d scream. Itachi should smile, like he always do, otherwise this pressure in the air will chock Sasuke dead.

 _“So draw me these borders, show where they are. I’ll obey any rules, if this is the price I have to pay for having you in my life_ ,” Itachi seemed to look little more relaxed now, but there still was no much desire to make a contact, it was obvious by the way he clenched his fingers in a lock.

_“What these fucking borders are..?”_

_“I should understand what I can do and what’s forbidden… although, it’s quite simple, actually. Yet_ _what_ _is_ _allowed_ _for_ _me_ _to_ _say_ _?_ _To_ _think_ _?_ _Or_ _to_ _feel_ _?_ _For so many years, I just lived, I was making the decisions out of intuition, and now you ask me to become someone else. No, Sasuke, I can only play normality now. Nothing ever worried me about it, I never thought of saying ‘no’ to myself. How do you think I can fix it? What should I do for you? I realize that this time it was too much… but I wanted it, and I still can’t make it out, why I should have banned myself from doing this.”_

 _“Because we are brothers,”_ Sasuke said unwillingly. He clearly understood that it was the last argument to use here.

_“So then, everything that happened ‘before’ is suitable for you, and that one case was too much? How am I different from any girl, who’d take you in the corner of some dirty night club and kneel before you? In your head, how do you see the difference between these two contacts? Why I can massage your shoulders, but can’t…”_

_“Because!”_ Sasuke’s brain began to melt.

_“I don’t get it, Sasuke. And if you don’t gain enough patience to make me understand want you mean, we won’t come to compromise.”_

_“Why me?”_ Sasuke asked angrily, _“Because it’s forbidden? Because it’s disgusting, not appreciable, terrible, plain awful? It’s forbidden for anyone but you – and this is your freedom? This is how it works? Hey, then why me? Anything is good for this scenery! Your imagination ended up on your little brother? Like, children are no good because pedophiles are too many and it’s fucking boring. Do you need some fresh ideas? Maybe, invalids? That’s so fucking unethical. Or animals? What’s the difference between them and me? Cause it’s both terrible, you know! Isn’t it your freedom too?”_

Itachi shook his head, allowing himself the first smile for this evening.

_“It hit you?”_

_“_ _Yeah_ _,_ _I_ _think_ _so_ _.”_

Elder Uchiha was hesitating, then he stood from his place, came closer to brother and went down on the knees right in front of him.

“ _So, you think, I find you personally unimportant, and the only thing that bothers me is what you’re doing to me?”_

Sasuke felt his legs twitching. Itachi can’t say that it’s not like that. Because it is! It was always like that! So obvious! It hurt him not because he realized it, but because he finally heard aloud this, something that he knew from the very childhood.

“Don’t you dare,” the younger hissed, enchanted by the view of how Itachi’s palms covered his own and interlocked their fingers together.

_“This is not how it is, Sasuke.”_

_“It is.”_

_“No, it was never like that.”_

Sasuke nervously breathed out air, totally refusing to hear that. Too many false hopes can appear in this very second, and Itachi even has no clue what exactly he just said. The elder’s lips softly touched brother’s cold fingers and turned his palm to feel pulse on the wrist.

 _“Do you love me_?” Sasuke asked, shivering with his whole body, _“Me?”_

_“It’s rhetorical.”_

Sasuke’s palms slid out of Itachi’s hands and softly touched elder brother’s face, making him look in the eye.

“ _No. No, Itachi, it’s not rhetorical. Do you even hear what you’re saying?”_

 _“_ _I_ _hear_ ”

“ _I'm not talking about those feelings that are natural in any family. You confess to me a completely different love, do you realize?”_ How difficult it is to squeeze out words, Jesus, why doesn't he understand?

“ _How do you know what is natural and what is not?”_

 _“You are unable to distinguish between family feelings and any others?”_ Sasuke asked angrily, “W _ith mom or dad... would everything be the same there?”_

Itachi laughed, and this laugh was completely inappropriate now.

“ _It_ _would_ _be_ _funny_ _if_ _you_ _were_ _jealous_ _of_ _our_ _father_ _.”_

_“_ _Disgusting._ _”_

_“Yeah, a little. This is a difficult question, Sasuke. I never tried to separate it, and what for? A waste of time and nerves. I love you - you know it, you love me - I know it. Why sort through shades of certain feelings? What you already know is not enough for you? You know that there’s nothing too good for you – I’ll share anything. You know that I’m willing to give my life for you. So, do I really have to describe everything in words so that it dawns on you where exactly in the hierarchy of classical and non-classical feelings you are? What will it give you?_

_“More than you think.”_

_“Much less than you imagined.”_

Sasuke looked away. Well, apparently, the time has come. Sooner or later, this conversation would take place. Sasuke chuckled bitterly and removed his hands from brother's face.

_“There is always a difference, and if I say that I need it, it means that I need it. Shut up with your never ending "what for" and just understand that I...”_

The door opened slightly and Kitsu peered into the room. Considering what she saw, her conclusions were likely to be hasty.

 _“Oh, how cute,”_ She said smiling, “The floor is dirty, sweetheart. Have you already apologized?”

Itachi shook his head negatively and then said:

_“No, but now I know for sure how do people behave in normal world.”_

Wait! No! Sasuke haven’t said the main thing yet!

He didn’t have time for it.

And maybe it’s for good. Like, destiny or something. Sasuke fought the urge to clench his palms into fists.

No, he needed to say it all. Today. Now.

“ _I haven’t finished yet_ ” He uttered, rising from the armchair and grabbing his brother by the shoulder, helping him to stand on his feet. Two conflicting desires were torn in him. One thing was to figure everything out to the end, maybe forever losing the opportunity to simply say "hi" after all. And the second was built on safety, because he just needed to accept this option, limit Itachi in all these touches and get him to full use, but as a brother - and nothing more.

Sasuke dragged his brother out of the room, leading him into the next one. Its walls were covered with mirrors, and there was an iridescent fabric stretched under the ceiling. The only source of light was a nightlight shining in purple, from which neon threads sprawled like a spider web.

Closing the door, Sasuke carefully turned the latch. He couldn’t speak in front of Kitsu. Asking her to leave is troublesome: she could say “no”, and after that new problems would appear.

He already felt naked, asking such questions. Witnesses are too much for him now.

“So..?” Itachi smiled enigmatically, glancing around at the lighting system. Sinking down on the leather bed, he glared at his brother. Playing normal is rather difficult when you are dragged into rooms designed for sexual entertainment.

_“_ _If_ _…”_

Sasuke broke off mid-sentence - he didn't know how to say what he wanted. But this must be done anyway.

 _“If - what?”_ Itachi comes back to normal, to his usual state, when his lips involuntarily turn in ambiguous grins.

_“You just don’t understand or just don’t want to understand what is normal? I don't get what’s the norm for you. I can explain everything that I myself should require... But maybe you can try first? How far can you go and why?”_

If Sasuke hadn't been leaning on his back against the door, the weakness in his legs might have already made itself felt. It's hard just to look at how light plays on Itachi’s skin, on his hair, leaving purple reflections. On how he smiles, thus agreeing to discuss it, and trying to choose words.

_“Why is an incorrect question. I always want to answer it the same way. Why not? I want, which means that I can, I am aware of what will happen if I allow myself this and what if not. Priority system. If something is worth the risk, then I am taking a risk, if something is worth taking, I take. But how far can I go... I don't know, to be honest. ‘Far’ is a relative concept.”_

_“You sleep with me - what's next?”_

Itachi raised his eyebrow, paused, and lay back on the bed. The fabric on the ceiling was mesmerizing. In general, the atmosphere here is clearly not for serious conversations.

“ _I don’t know.”_

_“But this won’t be enough… or you will be fine with it? This is not the same as any other relationship. You have a rather specific need, so tell me about it. What do you want from me? Let's say, just hypothetically, I agree to continue this madness further, because sooner or later you will still go further than... than what was in the church. And the development of such relationships cannot be stereotyped in any way. I will have to satisfy your “why not” ideas - and that's it. And at the same time you say that I am important to you, and not what I do for you ... Or, rather, what you do with me.”_

_“How did it all come down to intimacy?”_ elder Uchiha seemed to be seriously surprised.

_“That’s what I want to deny you, which is why we are talking about it. For everything that does not concern intimacy, you have the right as my closest relative and even a friend to some extent. Can't you really see the difference?_

" _Okay,"_ Itachi sighed wearily, taking a half-sitting position to see Sasuke's face. However, even in his voice one could hear that not everything was all right with him. He was shaking a little, and he could not catch at least something with his gaze, which simply glided around the corners of the room, not fixing on anything, _“First of all, you shouldn't satisfy anything physically or emotionally. Secondly, I'm not going to do anything with you, it sounds like you are selling yourself. Thirdly…”_

“ _I will not be capable of such… restraint.”_

_“…What?”_

_“I am different, I understand what is happening to me and why. And what I feel for you is completely different from what you decided for yourself. You will kill me with this one day. I will bring myself to a state where I will no longer be able to survive what I can easily go through now.”_

Itachi moved closer with interest, but never got out of bed.

_“Have you ever slept with a prostitute, whom you tried to convince that you love her? Imagine so. Like, what if she believed? Stressful situations and all things… sometimes they believe. Or does she need to sleep with you, repeating to herself over and over again that she’s just a material one uses, not to give herself a hope of reciprocity? I don't want to be this prostitute, I'm sorry. I don't want to hear what I might get wrong. I don't want to hope for anything. I understand everything that you are trying to explain, I just cannot stand it...”_

Sasuke took a deep breath and raised his eyes to the ceiling.

Such a bad time for this. Who is to blame for the fact that right now Sasuke finally was able to say what he should?

_“I didn't want to see or hear you now. And you just voiced what I knew all my life. Imagine what would become of me if I play into this freedom of yours and believe… just for one day… that I mean to you no less than you do mean to me? What will happen to me? I love you, you damn bastard, and these are the very feelings for which I’m cursed to torment in hell. Not sometimes, not at times. Constantly. Every second. Ha! Yes, I am torn from jealousy and an unsatisfied feeling of possessiveness, I’m inflamed by any of your glances so that everything inside twists and turns. I cannot think of anyone else. Only about you... Every time someone touches me, kisses me, when people call me to a bar, or undress in front of me... When they just say my name... You ask, why divide love into shades? A useless exercise? I didn’t do this, it happened without my desire. You just don't leave my head, you are under my skin, I can't breathe without you... Maybe that's why it's hard for me to say ‘no’? Maybe that's why I call all of this ‘jokes’. Because it’s you with your freedoms against the background of what has been killing me for years? This is a need. So tell me, Itachi, what will happen to me if I believe even for a second that you can love me back?”_

Sasuke was trembling.

He did not expect that he would say so many things, he expected some ridiculous explanation of his "I do not love like a brother" and only hoped that his tongue-tied state wouldn’t completely confuse everything. Instead, he talked and talked until the words stuck in his throat. That's not all, it's just hard to keep going. Sasuke has a lump in his throat. It has been a long time since he last cried.

“ _I am your freedom… something that makes you happy. And that’s it. But what about me? What should I do if you’re my everything?”_ Sasuke angrily wiped a hot line of tears from his cheek.

Itachi listened intently, never changing his face in all the time. There was so much seriousness and concentration. It was just creepy to look into those eyes. Well, maybe little easier now, as everything became cloudy because of the water in his eyes. Only the Devil knows what Itachi’s face shows - reproach or bewilderment.

“ _And above all things have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins,”_ Itachi chuckled, _“Briefly about why homosexuality and incest is not a sin, if it is sincere.”_

 _“Oh, shut the fuck up…”_ Sasuke wiped the traces of his sentimentality off his face once more.

_“Come to me.”_

_“What for?”_

_“Just come closer.”_

Sasuke exhaled unevenly, but he didn't move.

_“Are you afraid that I will push you away? Or hit? What can I do? Come here. Sasuke, don't be afraid.”_

The younger brother bowed his head, hiding all his emotions behind the regrown hair, and took exactly seven steps until he stood close to the bed. He did not see his brother's face, but he saw his hands, which gently slid over the leather jacket, pulling it off his shoulders.

“ _Don’t…”_

 _“Just stay silent now. Ok_?” he grabbed Sasuke around the waist, almost dropping him onto the bed, if he hadn't put out his knee, he would actually have fallen. There’s little choice. So, climbing onto the bed, Sasuke relaxed, feeling the touch of the hands to his face. Feeling how Itachi carefully removed the strands that hid his eyes.

_“And don't cry.”_

“ _Shut up.”_

Itachi's hand rested on Sasuke's neck, just below the back of his head, and he pressed down on it, hugging the youngest to the chest. There was this usual tart, bitter perfume, and the temperature of his skin was a couple of degrees higher than that of Sasuke, and he could feel warmth with his cheek even through clothes. And only then Sasuke heard...

Such a surreal feeling. Itachi was absolutely calm, he was actually smiling a little. Yet his heart was beating with such a speed as if he had just won the race for two kilometers.

But why? What's happening? Sasuke pulled back a little, looking up at the face. The desire to explain this with any crap didn’t disappear anywhere, but the realization slowly but persistently began to put pressure on the shoulders.

Lord, he wouldn't cry again.

“This is a joke?” Sasuke whispered, and he was again shoved into the arms, only much tighter than before. Itachi kissed the top of his brother's head and laughed softly.

“ _And now I should be a little more honest, I guess,”_ His whisper almost burned Sasuke’s skin, “ _I know better than you where the borders of normality are. I draw it every day - this is my job. And it’s funny that it was never obvious for you. ”_

_“I do not understand.”_

“ _You shouldn't. You have always been my little narrow-minded little brother, I'm used to it_ ,” the pause was significant enough, “ _It's my turn to ask, do you understand what feelings you confess to me? Do you understand what you're saying? Because I won't let you go anymore. Nevermore.”_

And now Sasuke didn't want to hide, he wanted to look him in the eyes in order to accurately catch the moment when he would laugh and say that it was a joke.

But he won't say so, will he?

_“You will never have a family. You will never get approval from anyone. You’ll have to lie constantly, every damn second of your life. The closest and most patient people will cringe at the thought of who you have connected your life with.”_

_“I don't care.”_

“ _Parents won’t understand, you will lie in their eyes when they begin to twist your soul about the fact that they need grandchildren, a family, why are you so lonely? Sasuke, when?”_

_“Is this an attempt to reason with me?”_

_“It's too late for the notation. You went through where I’ve been before you graduated from high school. And if it was all sincere, than there’s no point in explaining to you what hell your life will turn into. But_ _…_ _are_ _you_ _ready_ _for_ _this_ _?_ _Because_ _I_ _was_ _scared_ _back_ _than_ _.”_

Sasuke pulled himself out of the embrace, he needed to see the eyes. Is he serious?

_“_ _So_ _…”_

_“_ _Yes._ _”_

_“You..?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“For so long?”_

_“Yes.”_

Sasuke took a breath as he looked around the room once more. He is as if on drugs, everything is floating, but everything is so clear… not real but terribly similar to reality.

“ _Why?”_

 _“Because it’s your step,”_ Itachi's lips touched his cheek, “ _And I have no right to be responsible for it_.”

He deftly twisted his younger brother's arm and pressed him to the warm surface of the bed, hanging from above.

_“It's too serious a decision to be made by anyone other than you.”_

_“I didn't make any decision.”_

_“Really? And to put a pistol to you head and give me the right to shoot or show mercy – isn’t a decision for you? Or maybe you think that something may not change from this very moment? Sasuke... I want to say a lot, and even more things I actually want to do. But this is terribly inappropriate place, time and situation.”_

_“I…”_

There was a sound of heels behind the door, after which someone pulled the handle and knocked on the wood several times.

_“I, of course, apologize, but if you need more time to quarrel, you’d be better choose another place, because we are about to open in an hour, and we haven’t done wet cleaning yet. And yes. To hide from me in my own club is plain spiteful.”_

_“And I have my service in,”_ Itachi looked at the hand with the watches, “ _Forty minutes. Therefore, we will do this...”_

No need for words, Sasuke pressed his whole body against his brother, biting into his lips, ignoring the usual feeling of excitement for the right to take the initiative. Fingers almost painfully squeezed hair, which after such a gesture will obviously need to be collected in a tail again.

He didn’t really need the kiss, it was about this touch, assertive and not tolerating any objection. Itachi responded softly, too softly compared to any of his other attempts to pester.

There was another knock on the door, but Sasuke didn't care, he wanted to lose the ability to breathe, he wanted to feel the pulse in his temples, he wanted to disconnect from this reality, and no one else but Itachi was able to do this to him.

“ _Uchiha, finish that, I’m being serious.”_

The kiss was broken, and it was the saddest event to date. This strange sensation in the head, body, and fingertips didn’t dissolve in any way. Too familiar. It seems that it was something that broke Sasuke’s life six years ago, and now it has restored this very life’s value.

 _“I'm on my way to work,”_ Itachi breathed, closing his eyes, as if it was difficult for him to make any sounds at all, “ _And you are going to my house. I'll be back in three and a half hours and I'll be happy if you cook dinner, and after that I won't let you sleep until morning. Deal?”_

“ _Deal,”_ Sasuke nodded several times with a stupid smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for waiting!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this:) Please, feel free to leave your comments below.  
> The original text is abandoned, it now has 8 chapters.  
> I'M LOOKING FOR BETA, pls contact me if you have a little free time for this project -> hollowlandsstuff on tumblr  
> I have author's permission for this translation. Many thanks to iRA_SV_GLBR, JmaSiora, Ruusen, Fellinika, Sabriall & notnobody


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